Tuesday, December 29, 2009
2008 ended(and 2009 began) in the basement of a friend of my ex-girlfriend. It was a rather large party, and all of my friends were there. A good time. As the final moments of the year ticked away, I vowed to become a stronger person. I wanted to be more confident in myself, let myself grow. Little did I know, I would accomplish this task. At first, of course, I noticed no change. 2009 carried on like an extension of 2008. This continued for a while. Remember, I was still in a serious relationship; I was awfully numb to most things. In May, after an uneventful Spring, that segment of my life ended. Slowly, I began to open up. It hurt a bit, like a limb slowly thawing after being out in the cold for hours. A few close friends of mine, knowing how much I was going through, decided to try to make my summer a good one. It worked.
Without a doubt, the summer of 2009 was one of the best of my life. I can't quite put my finger on what it was. But it probably had a lot to do with my best friend. I became extremely close with a very small group of people, and I loved it (you know who you are, and I thank you all endlessly). I had a group, and I fit in perfectly. I had several very close friends, and that is all I needed. It almost feels like some sort of myth at this point. Totino's Pizza Rolls, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, Gumby banging horses quotes, countless trips to Dorney Park, Weatherbox, The Dangerous Summer, burning things in some alley(and how I still walk past it often to see if the melted plastic still sticks there; it does), liking a new girl (it didn't work out quite how I wanted it to, in the end, but it spawned some great times), my trips to LBI... The list could go on for a while. Looking back on those days gives me a warm, happy feeling. I won't ever give it up.
Summer seemed to crack me open. Or, in more common terms, I stopped giving a shit about acting like a normal person. Not to say I really changed, but I know I acted more, well, weird, and still do. Life is more fun when you can act a little insane, let out your deeper thoughts, despite holding tightly onto a modest amount of sanity. It also served as a period of great musical discovery; my taste has yet again expanded into even greater territories. I began writing my poetry over the summer, and I still haven't stopped. I doubt I ever will. Nothing I write here will truly explain just how important this summer was to my development as a person, so maybe it is time to move on.
School started. Yes, that is when everything fell apart. I don't think it is quite fair to blame the collapse of our little group on the classes we were placed in; however, I am certain it has something to do with it. There really isn't much to say; things just fell apart. From September to about the middle of November, maybe earlier, things were bad. I had envisioned a fall full of friendship and trips to football games and Halloweekends, and to an extent, I received this. Fall had some great moments, some matter in the vacuum. I met another girl that I really had interest in, but of course that wasn't meant to be(there were a few others between summer and now that I had mild interest in, but none of them developed either...seeing a pattern here?). Some trips to Halloweekends were successful and fun. Some evening hangouts worked out well.
I see no point in further discussing the problems, because they ended around the time of my birthday (early December). Like every other year, my birthday party was a good time. For about 20 (less?)days I was granted some relief. Things were good, okay. Then, just in time for the holidays, the anxiety started. Mind you, this is only a bit longer than a week ago. I don't quite want to go into detail about it, but anxiety and panic attacks have been extremely frequent lately, and just when I thought that was enough, problems arose in my friendships. It will be literally impossible for me if these are to continue. I simply can't deal with it. But this blog is not about whining. I guess that brings us to the current status. I am working on fixing this anxiety sickness I have seemingly come down with. At the same time, I am trying to tie up the rips and holes in my friendships.
I am admittedly not in a good mental condition as of late. The new year begins soon. I know there will be no instantaneous change, there never is. But, just like 2009, I intend to keep evolving and growing as a person. This is my new years resolution: I want to be happy. I will not let anxiety, social problems, or anything else keep me down for too long. I may not accomplish this, but I am going to try. I am going to fix all the problems that I can with all of the friendships I have. Friends are really all we have in the end, aren't they? Here's to hoping for a strong, happy, strange, and life-changing 2010...for everyone.
P.S. I did not meet my goal of 10,000 songs. Only 9,800. Soon enough though. Soon enough.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Imagine myself stranded,
Insane on some mountaintop
I can't help but ask
"Will the wind carry me?"
If I choose to jump.
Other days, I can't help but
Feel my wrists and legs
Lose feeling, my breathing
Speed up. I can't help but
See myself through their lenses.
When will I have some sense?
Today, I can't help but
hope for an answer.
Sometimes the walls close
So tightly around me, that
I lose sight of what is important.
I can't help but hope for peace.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
1. Weatherbox- The Cosmic Drama
2. Brand New- Daisy
3. Titus Andronicus- The Airing of Grievances (reissued in 2009, so I'll count it)
4. Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson- Summer of Fear
5. The Antlers- Hospice
6. Manchester Orchestra- Mean Everything To Nothing
7. fun.- Aim and Ignite
8. Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavilion
9. Grizzly Bear- Veckatimest
10. The Dangerous Summer- Reach For The Sun
11. Thrice- Beggars
12. Kiss Kiss- The Meek Shall Inherit What's Left
13. Portugal. The Man- The Satanic Satanist
14. Silversun Pickups- Swoon
15.mewithoutYou- It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's Alright.
16. The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns
17. Last Lights- No Past No Present No Future
18. Kevin Devine- Brother's Blood
19. The Dear Hunter- Act III: Life and Death
20. Pissed Jeans- King of Jeans
Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The man' facade./
There is much more to see/
Behind it, but the front/
Is what we get./
No eyes, no nose, but a Smile/
(A truly happy smile) That/
Tells us all of a life well lived.
The smile flips, the world flips/
We fall into/
The sick, honey-colored sky./
Windows shatter, eyes close;/
Is uprooted and pulled skyward ./
(I guess the world ends here)/
But we wake up the next morning.
The nest is cold and dark./
I feel my flesh/
Against the rough twig and branch./
Our mother comes home, chirps./
All of us scream/
And fly off, back towards our dirty/
Homes. (We feel sick and we sleep)/
Every night that same smile/
Taunts us, haunts us.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I haven't really felt creative over the past few days. No poetry has been popping into my head, so I'll wait. I can feel some building up though. So expect some writing soon.
Currently listening: Neutral Milk Hotel- In The Aeroplane Over The Sea: A classic.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Into the faces of our tired years/
Every memory bubbles up from/
The tar and mud of our age/
We sometimes smile, or frown/
We always forget: it won't re-happen_
_Bring me your happy, pile them here/
Bring me your sad, pile them there/
Every letter bleeds like a wound, a lie/
But "it doesn't apply(let it die)."/
To consummate my mind, I need divisions/
Every friend needs a room to sleep in_
_Take me to your severed minds/
Let me catch them, see them/
Let all ego (pounded in like dirt)/
Be swept out of your skull's kitchen door/
Sense can be made, manufactured/
Hail "the great god of my own creation"_
Thursday, December 3, 2009
"So there's no open doors and there's no way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two."
My 17th birthday is quickly approaching, and I honestly don't know how to feel about that. I love my birthday, sure, but I am just getting so (for lack of a better word) old. Not OLD, but...My life is speeding by. What do I have to show for my 17 years? I guess I can't really answer that question. I know I'm worth something, I just wish I had a more tangible idea of what I have accomplished. And no, this is not a 1/5th life crisis, I've just been thinking.
Not too much.
Music: The Antlers- Hospice: Without a doubt, this is the most depressing album I've ever heard. On top of that, it is one of the most beautiful releases I've heard this year. An album of unbelievable melodies wrapped around a story that is more than heart-wrenching. I can't say it's one of my favorite albums (at least not yet; it needs time), but I can't remember when I've been so affected by not only an album, but a work of art in general. I cannot recommend this album enough. The first few listens won't reveal anything, it took about ten times through for the true feelings to emerge.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I also feel as though my poetry-writings are starting to become repetitive. Even if they are not, I need to write something that truly inspires me and convinces me that my writing is worth anything. I think I may need a muse. Sothesearchbegins.
I'm sitting in physics class, and this is turning out to be one of the longest school days yet this year. I haven't had a good rant for a while, but I just haven't been pissed off enough. I haven't had the right sort of passion. Well, I better start paying attention to centripetal force and tension.
Music for the past few days: The Twilight Sad- Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters :
An album full of overwhelming emotion. The sort of album that keeps bringing you back for more listens, and reveals a new detail each time. The band has released a new album recently, and I am excited to hear that if is even half as good as this beautiful release.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Let him rot amongst them/
Let the scent of the two/
Fill our town's humble roads/
O, lay Anxiety down/
Upon a bed of needles/
Let it puncture and maim/
Such a clever crook/
And yet, throw Depression/
Into the river, let him be taken/
Down to the fiery, boiling/
Pots and baths of the valley/
O! These three spiteful villains/
Shall never again trouble the minds/
And hearts of so innocent a crop/
As we, The Ones Who Think/
Beyond every poet, beyond every artist/
Lies the troubled mind that grieves/
For everything that has yet to happen/
Let all doubts, worries, and preoccupations/
Blow away with the stale winds of The Negative/
All is forgiven, and All will be well/
Time is all it takes.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Life has been up and down. Had a little bit of a girl interest, but that faded quickly. But it was cool while it lasted. Easy come, easy go. I've been getting into reading old poetry lately. Some really beautiful stuff out there. To balance out the addition of such a sissy thing, I've decided to join the football team next year. Not really. I have been sick, with a sinus infection, so I missed working two days in a row (today and tomorrow). This really sucks, because it would have been my first real two days in a row sort of thing at this job. I'm starting to be put into a rotation, and this is not a good first impression. But you can't control sickness. This break is seeming to be a bit bleak. Hopefully some fun comes out of it, but either way it is appreciated.
Music for the night: The National- Boxer: Thoughtful, interesting music. Really fits the mood of these past few days: somber, but not completely unhappy.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
It goes back, before the shoreline.
It goes back, before the smoke.
It goes back, before the thoughts.
The apologies were not sincere.
They were ceramic.
They were manufactured.
Every word we said was pretty.
They were porcelain. They stung when they broke.
The prologue meant more to us.
The chapters get more and more boring.
The pages rip as we turn them.
The words, the ink, is nothing more
Than notes in some birds song.
We tried to gather an orchestra.
The thoughts in our heads,
Swim through hoops and tunnels
We used to think of each other as people. The time
Passed us, in the back of those yellow rooms.
The tones we used, showed not only
Love, but understanding. Our eyes met
Many times. Words weren't needed.
Just a gaze.
One, Two figures stand onstage. Both are dressed casually. One, Two breathe in and one, two, three spotlights are turned on behind them. The audience is gasping, in some cases fainting. One ascends (using rope and sandbags) up to the rafters. Two descends, via trapdoor.
Setting: Apartment, empty. Five men sit around a wooden table. After a few minutes of silence, each man slowly rises to his feet and exits. Empty set for five minutes. Man knocks on door; door opens. Man enters. Silence for several awkward seconds, Man falls to his knees. Startling noise erupts in the otherwise silent stage. Audience looks puzzled, but soon realizes the man is screaming.
"NOT NOW, NEVER HERE" is screamed, with such passion that several Audience members are brought to tears. Smoke fills the stage, Man disappears.
Two hours pass, the smoke clears. Several Audience members have left. Most have remained. A small, rhythmic tapping can be heard. The tapping grows in volume for the next thirty seconds or so, until a women in high heels walks across the stage. She disappears, stage right. Gunshot rings through the theatre.
A small boy, carrying a plastic animal (ambiguous), waltzes across the stage, right to left. After the boy has gone, music begins to play. Screeching and out of tune, it causes several audience members to leave. An elderly gentleman crawls out of the audience and onto the stage. He boasts, in a foreign language, of a revolver taped to his forehead. An armchair is lowered from the rafters, and the man takes a seat. A coffee table, atop of which sits a newspaper, is then slid violently across the stage. It comes to rest in front of the man.
The elderly man peruses the newspaper for twenty minutes or so until, with no explanation, he removes the revolver from his forehead and exits, stage left. Audience member 124 stands and begins to chant: "Nos Volo Magis, Прежде, чем этот показ закончен"
All Audience members stand, and a flurry of curses and screams are thrown at the stage. Anarchy erupts, fights break out. Suddenly, through the doors opposite the stage (behind the quarreling Audience), a dozen doctors run into the theater. On stretchers, the Audience members are carried out into the street. Several Doctors are killed.
Time reverses. All that was done has been undone.
One, Two figures stand onstage. Both are dressed casually. One, Two breathe in and one, two, three spotlights are turned on behind them. The audience is gasping, in some cases fainting. One ascends (using rope and sandbags) up to the rafters. Two descends, via trapdoor...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I'll take strides in the direction away from home.
No matter where I go, I'll always end up back here.
With you(pl). With Them. With us, with me.
What a pompous race we all are/run.
Taking with us the instincts of animals,
We inject the idea of souls into our thoughts/mind.
As the lights cut my vision, I no longer want you.
As the next shoe drops, my dreams morph,
Into what will happen, what must.
After all, Aren't we just a peripheral
Thought in the mind of some worn out, cynical
Man? I couldn't think of a more fitting God.
What choice does one have? Take it for what it is:
A lie/picket fence/silver spoon/malnourished insect.
Life: it no longer exists.
Time: measured solely by how many time blood pumps
Through a piece of meat.
Maybe our minds will ascend, our souls will triumph.
Maybe everything we live for, everything we do,
Is tallied out in space.
Maybe we are this fall's harvest.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
That will be all.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Either way, I can honestly say I've felt more happiness this week than I have in a while. I hope everything holds up, at least for a little while.
Music for the night: The Builders and The Butchers- Salvation is A Deep Dark Well: An album full of dark, powerful, folky Americana. Found two of their albums, this one being the most recent. It boasts a much fuller sound than the earlier album, but both seem to be quite good. Keeping my eye on this band.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I WANT STABILITY.
I HAVE STABILITY=MONOTONY.
I HAVEN'T STABILITY=DEPENDABILITY.
I HAVE EVERYTHING NEEDED, BUT FEW THINGS WANTED.
I need to meditate. I need to sort things out. There is no appropriate metaphor for how my life is right now. Maybe a swamp. Maybe not. The few rays of sunshine are fleeting. Shut the fuck up, because I am tired of getting caught in the middle. I wonder if, come December, I'll look back and laugh at how foolish and unhappy I've been. I had a dream, we were on a roller coaster, and we went down into some pit, and everyone dropped their valuables into a net. I guess it was just a haunted house, but I never did get out. I woke up wrapped in a spider's web somewhere down there. You lived in a cabin, and I loved you then. Maybe I will forever. Until something better comes along, that is.
A guy can hope.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Worthless pieces, piles.
Puzzles, grains of sand.
The same pattern, repeated.
Day after day, waltz through the songs.
Stale thoughts, stale affections.
Let the water rush on,
Your commands can't stop it.
The sky grows light, then darkens.
What makes you think you can change it?
You cry "this is unjust!"
But, The Jury brushes it aside.
You plead insanity, you swear it.
They can see through it.
They see the scared boy underneath.
The trees whisper fabricated secrets,
As you complain to your cell mates
"I just needed ____, I shouldn't be here!"
They laugh, They all tried being crazy, too.
"Even I tried that", says the demon in the corner
Every path is just a dead end.
The faces we wear are false.
Every hour that ticks by,
Reeks of hate and boredom.
The faces we wear are not our own.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Music for the night: Sufjan Stevens- Illinoise: Been meaning to check this out for about 3 years now. Finally did. Really great stuff. Worth the praise.
Monday, November 2, 2009
I divulged secrets. I loved, I lost, I won.
I got out of it. It's what I'm best at.
I sit here with my music, as if...
As if it proves my worth, my existence.
I had great moments, I had bad ones.
I know, I hope, I still have many of each.
They all tell me I have low hopes.
I guess, I just think it is reality.
But what is reality? Why would I know?
I get through every day like trudging through...
Wet sand, or some other fucking metaphor.
I have fun, I laugh. I have friends.
One, maybe two, things keep me down.
I'm fine. Why do I end the day feeling
Well, FEELING, man FEELING incomplete.
When does the good have its turn again?
And what the fuck does this..
Does this have to do with real life?
Where is God? WHERE is salvation?
Don't get.me.wrong. I have no illusions...
That my problems matter. I just, wash them away.
What do my complaints have to do with the poor
Man in China, in India, in Africa?
I bet he wishes he had my problems.
I bet he'd kill his neighbor for them.
We all think we have so much time ahead of us.
I'm not even 17. I should be fine.
CHANCES ARE. But, If I, if WE, HAVE SO much time...
Why do I feel like I'm done?
SO GIRLS, SO GUYS, SO LADIES, SO GENTS:
I know this is just a vertical list of complaints,
I know it's no poem.
Leave it be.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Yes, the man has a long name. The first thing anyone will say when you mention the Brooklyn based singer/songwriter is “What was his name again?”. So, for the sake of convenience, we’ll just stick with “Robinson” or “MBAR” for the time being. After falling into a drug and alcohol induced depression, Robinson made some important friends in the indie rock community (Kyp Malone of TV on the Radio and Chris Taylor of Grizzly Bear) who, fortunately, saw a great amount of talent in the struggling musician. In 2008, MBAR’s eponymous debut was released, amounting a Vampire Weekend sized amount of hype in the New York indie scene. Shortly after the debut was released, Saddle Creek records (home of giants such as Bright Eyes and Cursive) came a-knockin’ at Robinson’s door, and the deal was settled. Summer of Fear, an album that Miles had been working on even before his debut, was released digitally on September 22nd, 2009 as his sophomore release.
Where the debut had only 10 songs, Summer of Fear has 13, and runs over an hour long. If one had to choose an adjective to describe the mood of Robinson’s songs, “depressing” would be a top contender. However, Summer of Fear seems to have a few strands of hope that the debut lacked. The album begins on a somber note with “Shake a Shot”, which introduces the electric piano that becomes a staple throughout almost the entire album. Summer of Fear takes MBAR in a direction that seems to make sense, but also comes as a surprise. One would have thought that the somber acoustic numbers that populated about half of the debut would reappear; however, it seems that the young song-writer delved into his rock history and used the influences of artists such as Bob Dylan(most obvious on the eleven-minute epic “More Than A Mess”), Tom Petty, and, in some instances, Bruce Springsteen.
The production, courtesy of the aforementioned Kyp Malone, gives each instrument on the album the perfect amount of room to breathe. The use of multiple vocal tracks also add to Robinson’s charm, although his voice is, without a doubt, a love it or hate it sort of thing. Unlike his 2008 effort, Summer of Fear finds MBAR using various vocal styles; at one moment he could be speaking and a second later he could be belting out soulfully. Tracks such as “The Sound” and “Trap Door” showcase both Robinson’s pop sensibility and his bleak lyrics (“Why should I try to hang onto anyone else, it’s a hard enough time just trying to hang myself” or “There’s a trap door in every rock bottom”).
Each and every song on the album adds to the overall effect, and I couldn’t imagine the record being the same if any of the songs were to be removed. The tracks often seem to reach a climax towards the end, and choruses are not present in every song. Miles does an excellent job of keeping every song interesting, and Summer of Fear is sure to keep even his fans guessing upon their first listen. “The 100th of March” and “Always an Anchor” are in close competition for my favorite track, but in reality, any song off of the album could be considered a favorite track. Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson has released one of 2009’s best records, and, if he keeps it up, deserves to go down in history as one of our generation’s best songwriters.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Socially, nothing is new. Rather lonely, rather bored. But I shouldn't be complaining really. October was supposed to be so great, and it just was not. But, stay hopeful! Maybe something will happen. Basically, I still feel how I did last time I posted on here. The repetition is getting to me, and as cliche' as it sounds, I wish a girl would be sent my way. We'll see. I'm working on a review of Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson's new album for the school paper. I guess I am the only one at Allen who knows his music, but why not introduce people to new, good music? I read Pitchfork's review, and it really pissed me off, so that inspired me to write one. Better get started soon. That's all for now. Poetry or something soon.
Music for the night: Volcano Choir- Unmap : Complex, ambient music featuring the amazing vocals of Justin Vernon (Bon Iver); pretty much a formula for excellence. Recommended.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Throughout my "quarantine" I did a lot of thinking. A lot of this branched out of my watching an old anime show I used to like as a middle-schooler, called FLCL. I am no fan of anime, in fact most of it gets on my nerves, but this show is just so out of the ordinary and captivating. I guess it would be classified as a comedy, but some of the themes it displays, however subtle, provide true insights into adolescent life; love and confusion being the highlights. Really, it just taught me that sometimes the journey really is more important than the destination. I feel as though, after being gone for a week, that something should have changed. That upon my return to Allen, something should be different, I should be different. I want desperately for this town to be turned upside down, for my life to make a U-turn into the happy, glorious unknown. I want an undeniably positive and mysterious force to come and change the direction these stale winds have been blowing. A storm came over the summer, it gave me goals, now forgotten. It needs to happen again. If it doesn't, these words of perseverance won't mean anything; they'll be just a lie I'm telling to get by. I can't accept the same thing over and over again. It will always lead to the same outcome: boredom and lethargy. We need a fan, a wind machine.
Music: Okkervil River- The Stage Names : Self explanatory.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tremble, wake, dream.
Head full of water, sway with the waves
Sailing on (the fever tides)
Dull mind, fever tide.
Reflections in your best light.
Afloat in the sheets, stuck in a cage
Locked within (the fever tides)
No time, fever tide.
Night is day, light is dark
Sun stays down, but there's no moon
Crushed upon (the fever tides)
Fever tide, fever tide.
Lungs like balloons, floating.
Two miles down, just a matter of time.
Washed upon the shore by (the fever tides)?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
I guess that'll do it for now.
Music: Murder By Death- In Bocca Al Lupo : Like I said, great live band. Just bought this, one of their earlier albums, last night. Really interesting stuff. No other bands out there today sound like MBD. On the types of songs they write, the singer said " Most are about either drinking or doom." I'd say that's about right.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Seeing The Gaslight Anthem Sunday night. Love that band so much, and I couldn't be more excited to see them again. Not much for today. Nothing really to talk about. Still waiting. Poetry soon?
Music for the night: The Swell Season- Strict Joy: Once is one of my favorite movies and The Frames are a great band. What more could you ask for? Beautiful music
Monday, October 12, 2009
Music for the day: Arcade Fire- Funeral : Fantastic album. Better than the follow up, although I love that as well. Something about Funeral is just great. One of those albums I suppose. There's a reason Pitchfork rated it #2 album of the decade.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Wasn't bad. I guess they gave him a bunch of video games and kept his attention somewhere far off so they could do what they had to, you know? This morning, though, they gave me three fuckin' cups of coffee, haha!
-After yesterday, how are you feeling? You weren't looking so good towards the end.
Just everything, I guess. It's all gone bad for me these days. What with the thoughts doubling, and the...I know- We'll build something, man! I'm serious! We can finally get her out of here!
-My friend tells me you used to be quite the writer. He wants me to tell you he really loved your first novel.
- Anyway, I never got your name. They said you wouldn't tell anyone else, but I'd like to think of us as friends.
My what? Have you ever caught a snowflake? Man, it's fuckin' unbelievable. The other day I was sitting in my room and one just fell into my palm. I looked at the thing for a good hour. I think I might have done something wrong, the motherfucker disappeared. I guess that's the closest thing I have to a name. Us? Friends? I don't know man, I sure do got a lot of friends already... And you know what they say about friends.
-Have you ever found love?
Yeah, I saw it once. The clock on my computer screen sometimes clicks by, and it reminds me of a girl I met once. Not any number, man, no. Just the changing of the digits. It just reminds me of her. I think she [incoherent]. I guess I just have to go to the field again [laughs]
-I think this will conclude our interview. Thanks for taking the time, I sincerely love your work sir. I hope you remember me.
Oh, of course I'll remember you. The amusement park was such a great time last night! That night'll last forever. Why not come join me for din-....Lauren? Who is this man in my room? I want him out. Now.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Oh I just did what any guy would do, I guess... I let everything boil down to the smallest, most insignificant level of complexity, then I attacked it. Oh, I really ripped that fucker apart. I found out things about myself that I never thought I could know. It's funny, guys like me, we don't usually like to sleep in a soup, a stew, like this...
-You just missed 11:11, how is that?
It's okay. I always used to catch that elusive thing. I guess some kids wish on it, but that ain't how I do it. I just take a look...look down into the pixels that make up the numbers, really study them. Only then can someone like you, that uptight type, really get the meaning. I'm hoping to catch it again sometime... I guess once I'm out of this storm, I'll finally be able to see the sun, so to speak.
-Do you think anyone can truly know who they are?
Shit, man... They didn't say you'd be askin' these kinds of questions. Well hey, I couldn't give a shit less who I am. I guess the question should go back to you, eh? Do you know you you are?
- No, I guess I don't. But I am the inquisitive type, that's for sure. Do you play the piano?
Sure I do! Yeah, I was great back when the notes used to actually care about me. Yeah, man, they used to pop into my head like like bad ideas. One, two, three, haha! I used to be able to write song after song after song. Then one day, she left... I guess that's why the notes left too.
- What is your earliest memory?
Well, I guess it was this morning...brushing my teeth. [laughs]
- I can tell you are starting to get tired of this. How about we pick the interview up again tomorrow?
Yeah, that would be better. I am feeling a little dizzy, come to think of it. Actually, I guess "Think" would be the wrong word for that sentence because I can't think of-
"When smile ain’t a smile, just some teeth messing with your mind... Well you’re right to fear the fear you fear you’ll find"
I've been thinking about time lately. I have an assignment for my AP English class, it is basically a "choose a topic then write about it" sort of thing. So, I chose to write ( half satirically) about the benefits of time travel. I have to finish it for tomorrow, and that should be interesting. If it ends up being any good, maybe I'll post it. Don't hold your breath though.
Music for the day: Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson- Summer of Fear : Incredible album. His debut was great, and this release just builds upon that. Despite its summery title, the music fits this time of year perfectly.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I can see, see you; Can you see, see me?
Take a minute, look around:
The water is deep, it's especially cold
After our hands meet, let your mind have a seat.
I can-we- I can hope we
I can hope we go -we-
I can hope we go somewhere nice and cozy when We (I, YOU, ALL)
Let the sentence finish. Not so hard is it?
Smarter men than you or I have thought long and hard about what...
What to write in them books of theirs.
Who says it ain't right?
Who says it ain't right, right?
Wrong, Can it be wrong, no?
Let the words pour, let the topics soar.
She can't take no more, I CAN TAKE no more.
Oh, put it back now...
(or just leave it be)
Monday, October 5, 2009
I enjoy writing poetry, or whatever you'd like to call those pieces of writing. I think the number of those entries will increase, especially if my anxious moods continue.
Here's to another week. Wake me when friday arrives.
Currently listening to: A lesson on coterminal angles.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Melting plastic bags, burning wooden desks
The citizens gather round, try to keep warm
They argue with the flames, persuade them to grow
The judge looks down upon the defendant,
The jury shifts and glimmers, only half there.
Lawyers, eyes empty, bark at each other.
The ceiling falls in, and they disappear.
He sits next to his friend, his lover
She smiles to herself and he laughs
They look out the window and see the wolves grinning
Tomorrow will come for neither of them.
Two hours pass, a silver piano plays.
Diamonds for keys, Golden strings struck by Sapphire hammers
The musician yells A-flat until the crowd weeps
Jewels fall from the theatre's balcony, flooding the audience.
I sit in the room where my pride fell to its knees
I wait for another chance to grovel.
God has plans for us all, she always said.
I can only hope "The End Is Near",
I can only hope that insane New York street corner prophet is correct.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I don't want to rant for three posts in a row, so I'll keep this one simple. That's it.
Music for the evening: Godspeed You! Black Emperor- Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To The Heavens: A beautiful album. Instrumental, but not for a moment boring. Captivating, exhausting, amazing music.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Purpose: Can one really have a purpose? I've been thinking lately about mine. All of the friends I have mean so much to me; all of the memories collected like rain drops in a bucket, endlessly adding up, are irreplaceable. One day all of these memories and people will be gone; there is no way around this. I won't lie and say I am an Atheist, I am not. However, it would be laughably incorrect for anyone to call me a religious person. I guess I don't know what I believe in, like most people out there. I genuinely think religion is, at its heart, a good thing. It has, over the course of history, been warped into an evil motivation, but I know that it serves a purpose. Some people take it very seriously, and I both respect and pity it. I have no such devotion to any thing, besides maybe music. I respect devotion. Unfortunately, so much of religion is just bullshit, and I think everyone knows it. Although, there is too much going on in the Universe for there to be NOTHING more than science. Nothing more than humans and what we understand to be the workings of things. But, an all loving, all powerful, all knowing, sentient BEING is just a ridiculous concept to me. I almost wish I could believe it, and I don't look down on most of the more open-minded Christians. As I said, I respect and sometimes even envy their beliefs. I take some comfort in the fact that I will never know what is really going on, at least while I live. Maybe Christianity is correct, but I just can't believe it. Maybe I will have an epiphany someday, and join some religion. If anything, I believe the answer to faith (?) needs an intrinsic question; looking outward can't possibly find a god, can it? Well certainly not a soul. A soul is something i desperately want. I don't want to be a machine made of flesh and chemicals. But I guess no one will ever know. Faith is important, but it sure would be easier if everyone had one, correct religion, wouldn't it?
Music for the evening: Portugal. The Man- Censored Colors : An album that will always remind me of this past summer. In fact, all of this band's music does. Really good, interesting pop/rock/weird.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
That's all for now!
Music for the day: Shearwater- Winged Life : I have been a fan of this band for a while already, but I just picked up this album, one of their earlier ones. Not as cohesive as their two latest, but it has a few unbelievably beautiful songs on it.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
This weekend looks like it has potential. Halloweekends two nights in a row! I hope everyone gets along, and everything works out. I'm tired of things being difficult and crappy. Met a really nice girl recently, and I'm hoping to get to know her better soon. I'll keep that up to date. Ha.
This year really hasn't gone too well so far. I'm really getting tired of it. I just want everything to go well, and it just disappoints me when it inevitably starts to suck. But I suppose I have control over a large portion of how happy I am.
Music for the day: Okkervil River- Black Sheep Boy : One of my favorite bands of all time, I'd have to say. Such brilliant lyrics, and such beautiful music. I don't think there is a song this band has written that I haven't been a fan of. Please do yourself a favor and download or buy this album (or any of their albums, really).
Monday, September 21, 2009
The sun will rise and set, what else could I expect?
The tides will come and go, what else should I expect?
The cross is fading, separation leads the way.
The savior's waiting, just a few miles away.
I'll be saved someday, but not today.
The liar's in the past, it doesn't live.
The moments I wasted on it have passed.
I guess even memories lose their mind.
The future once looked bright.
If the present always disappoints,
How can one maintain faith in the future?
In need of a new path.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I've been pretty alright since friday. I'm still a bit worried about one of my friendships..But I think it'll be fine. I'm hoping school will get better....soon.
So, last night the cops stopped us. Really an odd occurrence. Apparently, as we (4 of my friends and I) walked down the alleys from one person's house to another, someone thought we were trying to break into a house... It isn't as if we were even near anyone's home, we were just walking from one point to another. So, three cop cars stopped us on tilghman street, and started asking for our names and addresses and such. We got away with no trouble, i guess. Still, my impression of cops was never that high, and is now lower. I guess people just don't like teens these days.
It is going to be a long week, my friends. A long week.
Music for the night: Sea Wolf- White Water, White Bloom: Went to a record convention today, and found this. It is the band's newest album, and it doesn't come out until tuesday. Anyway, from what I've heard so far, I like it more than the debut. The band falls somewhere between Bright Eyes and The Arcade Fire.
Friday, September 18, 2009
I wish I knew what I want to do with my life. I really just have no idea what career to pursue. Music, journalism, writing, history? Something like that. I haven't really had much to say lately on here... Mostly just going over how I've been. No real commentary on anything so much. Hopefully soon. If not, I'm sure more "poetry" is on its way.
Music for the night: The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns: A really stripped down folk-rock sort of album. Vocals akin to The Decemberists or some other band of the sort. Much less pretentious arrangements and more down to earth than most indie bands of the type(not a diss to the Decemberists or any of those bands, I like them, just a fact), each song usually featured only 3 instruments (piano, guitar, drums, violin, etc.). Gives the album an intimate feel. Nothing spectacular, but a nice, refreshing indie album. Also: Amazing male-female harmony on "don't haunt this place".
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Oh well, if history serves me, I will be better soon. I wish that optimistic side of me was actually the side that I believe in. I talk about friends too much. I always thought I didn't care what people think about me, at least as much as others. I couldn't have been more wrong. Paranoia blooms.
Music for the day: Mew- No More Stories / Are Told Today / I'm Sorry / They Washed Away / No More Stories / The World Is Grey / I'm Tired / Let's Wash Away : A really interesting, atmospheric album. A lot of layers. The band has been around for a while, and I hear their discography is equally as good. I should check it out.
Monday, September 14, 2009
No, it's O.K.
Just think to know that I'm here
You're there, but that's alright.
Don't stand up,
I'll come get you
I'll mumble the words I should scream.
I'm here alone, but that's alright
Don't stand up,
It's harder if you try.
I can see you're feeling good,
You're happy, a house fire
Don't stand up,
I don't know that face
An expression of guilt? Blame?
I wouldn't blame you, anyway
Don't stand up,
let lethargy take its toll
Gun down the kids, they won't understand
Sleep around the town tonight.
Don't stand up...
I know you couldn't, if you tried.
Settle into the plague, keep it close
She'll be in town for a while.
Don't stand up, friends:
I'll open my own doors.
I know you're here, I feel it.
But I'm afraid I can't know it just yet.
Don't stand up,
Sometimes I wonder if I'm sane;
Then I grow up and go to bed
Keep a level head, don't tip the pot
Don't stand up,
I know you've grown tired of my complaints
I'll keep this one short:
I'm lost, not hurt, just confused.
Don't stand up,
It's not the same
I know it will be, soon.
4.7 isn't all too bad, really.
"Stand up, I'm not insane
Not insane...just tired
Not insane, just."
Sunday, September 13, 2009
"Well, is that you in front of me? Coming back for even more of exactly the same? You must be a masochist to love a modern leper On his last leg"
I'm currently reading The Plague by Albert Camus. He is one of my favorite authors, and the book is haunting to say the least. I guess I don't have much to say today. Just a slight update.
Until next time
Music for the evening: Frightened Rabbit- The Midnight Organ Fight: One of those albums that I can always return to. Really great heartfelt indie rock. If you haven't heard it, go listen.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Instead of some internal debate over some topic or idea, I suppose tonight I'll just share the review I wrote for the school paper. Whoever reads this, you are lucky. You get a sneak peak. Ha. I feel like so much more could be said for the album, but length and consideration of the audience held me back from some of my true thoughts on the album. Either way, I am happy with this review.
Brand New- Daisy
Long Island, New York hometown favorites, the genre defying band Brand New, have finally released their long anticipated fourth album. Being an avid listener and huge fan of the band, I tend to think everyone is well acquainted with their music. A brief history: The band debuted with Your Favorite Weapon, A pop-punk album in the vein of Taking Back Sunday. However, Deja Entendu, Brand New’s sophomore album, saw the band moving into much more eclectic and interesting terrain. In 2006, the band released The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, an album so musically advanced, dense, and, for lack of a better word, depressing that, to the untrained ear, it would be hard to imagine the same band had released the prior two albums. Each of the band’s albums means a great deal to me (more so Deja and The Devil and God than the debut), so writing an unbiased review would be nearly impossible. Luckily, Brand New’s 4th album, Daisy, once again redefines the band’s sound, making a new perspective on the band completely necessary.
Daisy begins with what sounds like a sample of an old religious song from some forgotten 20th century decade. For about a minute and a half, the hymn goes on. Then, suddenly, the first track, “Vices”, bursts open. All expectations are immediately put to rest as Jesse Lacey (lead vocals, guitar) screams his way through what is easily Brand New’s heaviest song. The result is a track that sounds roughly like a combination of early Fugazi and Glassjaw. Track number two, entitled “Bed”, is a bit underwhelming at first, but it still delivers. After the chaos that is “Vices”, the listener is left with a few minutes to relax with this slower, more recognizable song.
The album maintains a good flow of quiet to loud, about equal parts of each. Songs like “Gasoline” and “In a Jar” fit alongside “Vices” as some of the heaviest material Brand New has written. On the other end of the album’s spectrum, “You Stole” and “Daisy” represent a style closer to what was heard on The Devil and God. I could consider every song on the album a highlight, but if a favorite had to be chosen, it would be “Sink”. Although it is probably Daisy’s most accessible song, (it uses a fairly standard rock riff for the verses) it has one of the most chaotic and intense choruses I’ve heard from the band.
While my praise for this record is admittedly never ending, there was one problem I had with it. Unlike their past two albums, the lyrics for Daisy were primarily written by guitarist Vincent Accardi. This unfortunately seems to mean that the quality of the lyrics are not up to Jesse Lacey’s (the usual lyricist) high standards. However, there are just as many lyrical successes as there are failures. Daisy almost seems to play like an instrumental album with vocals added to compliment the astounding musicianship, so in the end, the lyrics don’t really even play as important a role as they have in the past for the band. Like all of the band’s material, Daisy is a grower. It should take at least five full listens for the average fan to fully process the changes the band has made. As for the music fans not acquainted with Brand New: this is as good an album to start on as any.
Brand New once again totally reinvents themselves, and it does them a great deal of good. A band once writing pop-punk tunes about lying girls, drinking, and heartbreak now have much more in common with 90’s grunge acts such as Nirvana or The Jesus Lizard. Modern music needs bands like Brand New ; it needs bands that consistently change their style, and do it well every time.