"The song said it all to the sky"

I've started making up my school work, and I'd say I'm almost 50% done. By the end of next week I should be completely caught up. During 5th period today I began feeling sick again, and came home after school and took a 2 hour nap. I don't know if I am getting sick AGAIN, or not, but I don't like it. Tomorrow night is the homecoming game/possible trick or treating. Saturday is the homecoming dance, which is completely shrouded in mystery. I really haven't any idea what is going on for that, and I still need to buy my ticket tomorrow. I guess I'll fill (you?) in about it after homecoming is over. Spirit week next week, and a day off on Tuesday. I have a feeling not much will be getting done. That's about it for my school/health update.

Socially, nothing is new. Rather lonely, rather bored. But I shouldn't be complaining really. October was supposed to be so great, and it just was not. But, stay hopeful! Maybe something will happen. Basically, I still feel how I did last time I posted on here. The repetition is getting to me, and as cliche' as it sounds, I wish a girl would be sent my way. We'll see. I'm working on a review of Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson's new album for the school paper. I guess I am the only one at Allen who knows his music, but why not introduce people to new, good music? I read Pitchfork's review, and it really pissed me off, so that inspired me to write one. Better get started soon. That's all for now. Poetry or something soon.

Music for the night: Volcano Choir- Unmap : Complex, ambient music featuring the amazing vocals of Justin Vernon (Bon Iver); pretty much a formula for excellence. Recommended.

"Is there a hand to take hold of the scene?"

So, my encounter with the dreaded H1N1 flu has seemingly come to an end. Save for the possibility of a relapse, I am done with it. It turns out, even after the sickness had left, the Tamiflu caused some major dizziness and discomfort, so I stopped taking it. Hopefully this doesn't mean the flu will come back, but it just wasn't worth it to feel dizzy constantly. So that little chapter of my life should be over now. Time to recover, both socially and academically.

Throughout my "quarantine" I did a lot of thinking. A lot of this branched out of my watching an old anime show I used to like as a middle-schooler, called FLCL. I am no fan of anime, in fact most of it gets on my nerves, but this show is just so out of the ordinary and captivating. I guess it would be classified as a comedy, but some of the themes it displays, however subtle, provide true insights into adolescent life; love and confusion being the highlights. Really, it just taught me that sometimes the journey really is more important than the destination. I feel as though, after being gone for a week, that something should have changed. That upon my return to Allen, something should be different, I should be different. I want desperately for this town to be turned upside down, for my life to make a U-turn into the happy, glorious unknown. I want an undeniably positive and mysterious force to come and change the direction these stale winds have been blowing. A storm came over the summer, it gave me goals, now forgotten. It needs to happen again. If it doesn't, these words of perseverance won't mean anything; they'll be just a lie I'm telling to get by. I can't accept the same thing over and over again. It will always lead to the same outcome: boredom and lethargy. We need a fan, a wind machine.

Music: Okkervil River- The Stage Names : Self explanatory.

Fever Tide.

Glossy eyed, fever tide.
Tremble, wake, dream.
Head full of water, sway with the waves
Sailing on (the fever tides)

Dull mind, fever tide.
Reflections in your best light.
Afloat in the sheets, stuck in a cage
Locked within (the fever tides)

No time, fever tide.
Night is day, light is dark
Sun stays down, but there's no moon
Crushed upon (the fever tides)

Fever tide, fever tide.
Lungs like balloons, floating.
Two miles down, just a matter of time.
Washed upon the shore by (the fever tides)?

Scratch that.

Well. It isn't a sinus infection. Swine Flu. Shit. All of those days worrying have boiled down to this. Woke up at 4 :30 this morning with a 102 fever and delusions that my heart wasn't beating. I guess fever can make you a little crazy. From 5:00 to 6:00 this morning was, without a doubt, the longest hour of my life. Well anyway, I'm being put on medication. I should be alright soon. I feel okay at the moment, but flu always gets worse towards the evening or early morning. Nothing like illness to put make an already great fall that much more enjoyable.

"We've made mistakes that we can't change, But there's still time to start again"

Well, what do you know? Sick today. Sinus infection most likely. This is the 3rd day of school I've missed already, and that is NOT good. Anyway, not a bad weekend I guess. Friday night was fun, and seeing The Gaslight Anthem last night was great. Murder By Death was awesome too. I've liked them for a while, but seeing them live made me appreciate them so much more. Saturday was a pretty bland day, I'm hoping that kind of thing will stop happening. I haven't written any poetry or "free writes" lately, so there should be more of that kind of thing on its way soon. I'm not sure how I am right now. Being sick sort of pulls a curtain over my real feelings. I know I'm not as bad as last week though, and I get the feeling things may be starting to turn around. I apologize for my lack of in-depth posts lately, I just haven't been in a preachy sort of mood.

I guess that'll do it for now.


Music: Murder By Death- In Bocca Al Lupo : Like I said, great live band. Just bought this, one of their earlier albums, last night. Really interesting stuff. No other bands out there today sound like MBD. On the types of songs they write, the singer said " Most are about either drinking or doom." I'd say that's about right.

"Low rising, ´Cause there´s no further for us to fall"

Today was okay. I took my prescription medicine for migraines during school; that was a mistake. Odd side effects...I can honestly say that drugs scare me, quite a bit. So, even though it helps with headaches, I'm hoping to be done with that.

Seeing The Gaslight Anthem Sunday night. Love that band so much, and I couldn't be more excited to see them again. Not much for today. Nothing really to talk about. Still waiting. Poetry soon?

Music for the night: The Swell Season- Strict Joy: Once is one of my favorite movies and The Frames are a great band. What more could you ask for? Beautiful music

Get

Happy?

"If you still want me, please forgive me, the crown of love has fallen from me."

The three day weekend ended up being shitty. But what can you do? I've been writing more lately, and posting updates less. I like that better. Basically, there is nothing to say at this point. Things are sort of shitty, and I'm not happy, but what else is new? As I mentioned a few days ago, I am eagerly awaiting some sort of change in my life, some good force to push me in some direction. Right now I'm stuck somewhere, and I can't even begin to describe where. All I know is that I want some change. I got a new hat.

Music for the day: Arcade Fire- Funeral : Fantastic album. Better than the follow up, although I love that as well. Something about Funeral is just great. One of those albums I suppose. There's a reason Pitchfork rated it #2 album of the decade.

A Conclusion

-How was your childhood?
Wasn't bad. I guess they gave him a bunch of video games and kept his attention somewhere far off so they could do what they had to, you know? This morning, though, they gave me three fuckin' cups of coffee, haha!

-After yesterday, how are you feeling? You weren't looking so good towards the end.
Just everything, I guess. It's all gone bad for me these days. What with the thoughts doubling, and the...I know- We'll build something, man! I'm serious! We can finally get her out of here!

-My friend tells me you used to be quite the writer. He wants me to tell you he really loved your first novel.
What?

- Anyway, I never got your name. They said you wouldn't tell anyone else, but I'd like to think of us as friends.
My what? Have you ever caught a snowflake? Man, it's fuckin' unbelievable. The other day I was sitting in my room and one just fell into my palm. I looked at the thing for a good hour. I think I might have done something wrong, the motherfucker disappeared. I guess that's the closest thing I have to a name. Us? Friends? I don't know man, I sure do got a lot of friends already... And you know what they say about friends.

-Have you ever found love?
Yeah, I saw it once. The clock on my computer screen sometimes clicks by, and it reminds me of a girl I met once. Not any number, man, no. Just the changing of the digits. It just reminds me of her. I think she [incoherent]. I guess I just have to go to the field again [laughs]

-I think this will conclude our interview. Thanks for taking the time, I sincerely love your work sir. I hope you remember me.
Oh, of course I'll remember you. The amusement park was such a great time last night! That night'll last forever. Why not come join me for din-....Lauren? Who is this man in my room? I want him out. Now.

A Conversation

-What did you do to get here?
Oh I just did what any guy would do, I guess... I let everything boil down to the smallest, most insignificant level of complexity, then I attacked it. Oh, I really ripped that fucker apart. I found out things about myself that I never thought I could know. It's funny, guys like me, we don't usually like to sleep in a soup, a stew, like this...

-You just missed 11:11, how is that?
It's okay. I always used to catch that elusive thing. I guess some kids wish on it, but that ain't how I do it. I just take a look...look down into the pixels that make up the numbers, really study them. Only then can someone like you, that uptight type, really get the meaning. I'm hoping to catch it again sometime... I guess once I'm out of this storm, I'll finally be able to see the sun, so to speak.

-Do you think anyone can truly know who they are?
Shit, man... They didn't say you'd be askin' these kinds of questions. Well hey, I couldn't give a shit less who I am. I guess the question should go back to you, eh? Do you know you you are?

- No, I guess I don't. But I am the inquisitive type, that's for sure. Do you play the piano?
Sure I do! Yeah, I was great back when the notes used to actually care about me. Yeah, man, they used to pop into my head like like bad ideas. One, two, three, haha! I used to be able to write song after song after song. Then one day, she left... I guess that's why the notes left too.

- What is your earliest memory?
Well, I guess it was this morning...brushing my teeth. [laughs]

- I can tell you are starting to get tired of this. How about we pick the interview up again tomorrow?
Yeah, that would be better. I am feeling a little dizzy, come to think of it. Actually, I guess "Think" would be the wrong word for that sentence because I can't think of-

END

"When smile ain’t a smile, just some teeth messing with your mind... Well you’re right to fear the fear you fear you’ll find"

Things are pretty foggy this week. Not really sure what's happening, but a 3-day weekend is coming up, and I need it. Hopefully just the usual hanging out or Dorneying will take place, but I am more than ready for some diversity in my life. Nothing has really changed since summer ended. The repetition is starting to get to me, already. Every weekend is still fun, but even they are beginning to blend... I need a defining moment for this period of my life, because that hasn't happened yet. So much potential everywhere I look...why do things have to be so complicated?

I've been thinking about time lately. I have an assignment for my AP English class, it is basically a "choose a topic then write about it" sort of thing. So, I chose to write ( half satirically) about the benefits of time travel. I have to finish it for tomorrow, and that should be interesting. If it ends up being any good, maybe I'll post it. Don't hold your breath though.

Music for the day: Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson- Summer of Fear : Incredible album. His debut was great, and this release just builds upon that. Despite its summery title, the music fits this time of year perfectly.

Monetary vs. Divine motivation

Floating in the sea, shaking with your fleet.
I can see, see you; Can you see, see me?
Take a minute, look around:
The water is deep, it's especially cold
Today.

After our hands meet, let your mind have a seat.
I can-we- I can hope we
I can hope we go -we-
I can hope we go somewhere nice and cozy when We (I, YOU, ALL)

Let the sentence finish. Not so hard is it?
Smarter men than you or I have thought long and hard about what...
What to write in them books of theirs.
Who says it ain't right?

Who says it ain't right, right?
Wrong, Can it be wrong, no?

Let the words pour, let the topics soar.
She can't take no more, I CAN TAKE no more.


Oh, put it back now...
(or just leave it be)

Sitting in math class.

Well, I figure that since I can access my blog in this class, and I have no idea what the teacher is explaining, I'll post an update. This past weekend was strange. A friend slept over friday night(fun night), and I had to work saturday morning at 7. One can assume that I was tired for the rest of the weekend. My loss of sleep and thrown off schedule put me in an odd mood; I felt very anxious and strange saturday night and sunday. My last entry should back that thought up pretty well.


I enjoy writing poetry, or whatever you'd like to call those pieces of writing. I think the number of those entries will increase, especially if my anxious moods continue.

Here's to another week. Wake me when friday arrives.


Currently listening to: A lesson on coterminal angles.

My Nightmares, a collection

An orange tree, ignited in a forest of green
Melting plastic bags, burning wooden desks
The citizens gather round, try to keep warm
They argue with the flames, persuade them to grow

The judge looks down upon the defendant,
The jury shifts and glimmers, only half there.
Lawyers, eyes empty, bark at each other.
The ceiling falls in, and they disappear.

He sits next to his friend, his lover
She smiles to herself and he laughs
They look out the window and see the wolves grinning
Tomorrow will come for neither of them.

Two hours pass, a silver piano plays.
Diamonds for keys, Golden strings struck by Sapphire hammers
The musician yells A-flat until the crowd weeps
Jewels fall from the theatre's balcony, flooding the audience.

I sit in the room where my pride fell to its knees
I wait for another chance to grovel.
God has plans for us all, she always said.
I can only hope "The End Is Near",

I can only hope that insane New York street corner prophet is correct.

"Static"

The month of September is over. Without a doubt, one of the longest months I can remember. It's odd, I almost can't remember anything before this month began... I miss summer, more than I even thought I would. I'm not going to lie and say everything sucks now, but it just isn't as good.

I don't want to rant for three posts in a row, so I'll keep this one simple. That's it.






Music for the evening: Godspeed You! Black Emperor- Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To The Heavens: A beautiful album. Instrumental, but not for a moment boring. Captivating, exhausting, amazing music.