"I got worried With shaky hands So we said the words that we kept For worrying times"

I guess I am depressed. It's not like it was last week, when I just felt down because of school. I actually feel depressed now, and I'm still not sure why. I am aware there is no reason to be(?), but that doesn't seem to help. School is a huge chore and i no longer enjoy any aspect of it. Every day is arduous and boring. I never thought I'd say it: I miss last year. All I did was bitch while it was happening, but the atmosphere was much more ideal. I honestly just feel like a loser this year. We'll see if this weekend changes that, like last weekend did. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but whatever it is, I hope it comes soon. Because this condition of self isolation cannot last. I hate these stupid, sad-kid cliches, and I know that's not what I am. But...I can't help but feel I am on the outside looking in. Looking into everyone's ideal worlds, even if they are anything but.

Oh well, if history serves me, I will be better soon. I wish that optimistic side of me was actually the side that I believe in. I talk about friends too much. I always thought I didn't care what people think about me, at least as much as others. I couldn't have been more wrong. Paranoia blooms.


Music for the day: Mew- No More Stories / Are Told Today / I'm Sorry / They Washed Away / No More Stories / The World Is Grey / I'm Tired / Let's Wash Away : A really interesting, atmospheric album. A lot of layers. The band has been around for a while, and I hear their discography is equally as good. I should check it out.