The Way Down

O! Sleep deprived youths, when will you come to the realization that you're sorrows are for naught? When will the lonesome sense of individualism, that last shred of pride you have been left, turn into the angst and terror you for so long have feared? Only time can take away the sting of discomfort, of loneliness; unfortunately, time is a tricky, evil entity. It slows when it should accelerate, and it dashes madly at the first sight of a happy moment. If ever in trouble, the only thing to remember is this : A lie will always be a lie, and a crook will always be just that. A slow, painful decline is ahead of us. Why not enjoy our fall?

"It's All Mine"

Slow week. I think I am getting sick, once again. Or at least, the cold I had is coming back. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad. I've got a date to homecoming, and that is pretty exciting. I didn't think I'd like anyone, but I was proven wrong. It sure is funny how I've again been reduced to a girl-sensitive, inquiring, curious blob. I guess that's just how it goes though. I am seriously curious where this path will end up though. The last one didn't get too far ... But that doesn't stop my excitement!

Purpose: Can one really have a purpose? I've been thinking lately about mine. All of the friends I have mean so much to me; all of the memories collected like rain drops in a bucket, endlessly adding up, are irreplaceable. One day all of these memories and people will be gone; there is no way around this. I won't lie and say I am an Atheist, I am not. However, it would be laughably incorrect for anyone to call me a religious person. I guess I don't know what I believe in, like most people out there. I genuinely think religion is, at its heart, a good thing. It has, over the course of history, been warped into an evil motivation, but I know that it serves a purpose. Some people take it very seriously, and I both respect and pity it. I have no such devotion to any thing, besides maybe music. I respect devotion. Unfortunately, so much of religion is just bullshit, and I think everyone knows it. Although, there is too much going on in the Universe for there to be NOTHING more than science. Nothing more than humans and what we understand to be the workings of things. But, an all loving, all powerful, all knowing, sentient BEING is just a ridiculous concept to me. I almost wish I could believe it, and I don't look down on most of the more open-minded Christians. As I said, I respect and sometimes even envy their beliefs. I take some comfort in the fact that I will never know what is really going on, at least while I live. Maybe Christianity is correct, but I just can't believe it. Maybe I will have an epiphany someday, and join some religion. If anything, I believe the answer to faith (?) needs an intrinsic question; looking outward can't possibly find a god, can it? Well certainly not a soul. A soul is something i desperately want. I don't want to be a machine made of flesh and chemicals. But I guess no one will ever know. Faith is important, but it sure would be easier if everyone had one, correct religion, wouldn't it?


Music for the evening: Portugal. The Man- Censored Colors : An album that will always remind me of this past summer. In fact, all of this band's music does. Really good, interesting pop/rock/weird.

"You'd think the world you're in would always remain, but some worlds can just disappear."

I have to say it was a successful weekend. Two trips to halloweekends, and it was just as fun as its ever been. If not better. Last night was so unexpectedly good. Had to stay at my aunt's house while my parents were away, but that didn't complicate anything, luckily. At the moment, things are looking up. I've finally found reasons to be hopeful again, and it is a great feeling. Fall is on its way to the top, and I hope it keeps going.

That's all for now!

Music for the day: Shearwater- Winged Life : I have been a fan of this band for a while already, but I just picked up this album, one of their earlier ones. Not as cohesive as their two latest, but it has a few unbelievably beautiful songs on it.

"You never earned your soul"

I have a cold today. Felt awful when I awoke this morning, so decided to stay home. It gave me a chance to relax, and to finish reading The Plague. Really a moving book. Didn't top The Stranger for me, but still: Albert Camus was a genius. Truly a remarkable author. Next I think I'll read The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. Very excited to get into that. I love having books lined up to read.

This weekend looks like it has potential. Halloweekends two nights in a row! I hope everyone gets along, and everything works out. I'm tired of things being difficult and crappy. Met a really nice girl recently, and I'm hoping to get to know her better soon. I'll keep that up to date. Ha.

This year really hasn't gone too well so far. I'm really getting tired of it. I just want everything to go well, and it just disappoints me when it inevitably starts to suck. But I suppose I have control over a large portion of how happy I am.


Music for the day: Okkervil River- Black Sheep Boy : One of my favorite bands of all time, I'd have to say. Such brilliant lyrics, and such beautiful music. I don't think there is a song this band has written that I haven't been a fan of. Please do yourself a favor and download or buy this album (or any of their albums, really).

The coin, the cross, the liar, and the future.

The coin flips; what else could I expect?
The sun will rise and set, what else could I expect?
The tides will come and go, what else should I expect?

The cross is fading, separation leads the way.
The savior's waiting, just a few miles away.
I'll be saved someday, but not today.

The liar's in the past, it doesn't live.
The moments I wasted on it have passed.
I guess even memories lose their mind.

The future once looked bright.
If the present always disappoints,
How can one maintain faith in the future?



In need of a new path.

"In the neon mist I heard you breathe"

Looks like it's back to school already. Why do the weekends go so fast? This was a good weekend. Halloweekends are but a week away. So excited. We had TFH (we are looking for a new name) practice today. It went fairly well, wrote a new song.

I've been pretty alright since friday. I'm still a bit worried about one of my friendships..But I think it'll be fine. I'm hoping school will get better....soon.

So, last night the cops stopped us. Really an odd occurrence. Apparently, as we (4 of my friends and I) walked down the alleys from one person's house to another, someone thought we were trying to break into a house... It isn't as if we were even near anyone's home, we were just walking from one point to another. So, three cop cars stopped us on tilghman street, and started asking for our names and addresses and such. We got away with no trouble, i guess. Still, my impression of cops was never that high, and is now lower. I guess people just don't like teens these days.

It is going to be a long week, my friends. A long week.


Music for the night: Sea Wolf- White Water, White Bloom: Went to a record convention today, and found this. It is the band's newest album, and it doesn't come out until tuesday. Anyway, from what I've heard so far, I like it more than the debut. The band falls somewhere between Bright Eyes and The Arcade Fire.

"Don't haunt this heart, Don't haunt this place."

I am happy to say that I had a good night. It appears my assumption that weekends would bring better times was correct. A few friends came over and we baked a cake. Good time. Got my Daisy preorder today, and I couldn't be happier with it. I thought a lot today about my childhood. Mostly through the perspective of the TV shows I used to watch. There were so many stories and shows and plots that I followed so intently. I sometimes wish I had such a religious dedication as what a young boy has to his favorite action cartoons. Something fades away when you grow, maybe just that fresh perspective and sense of innocence. But I guess I already covered that. I miss Teen Titans. I miss DBZ, and Gundam, and Transformers. Ha.

I wish I knew what I want to do with my life. I really just have no idea what career to pursue. Music, journalism, writing, history? Something like that. I haven't really had much to say lately on here... Mostly just going over how I've been. No real commentary on anything so much. Hopefully soon. If not, I'm sure more "poetry" is on its way.


Music for the night: The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns: A really stripped down folk-rock sort of album. Vocals akin to The Decemberists or some other band of the sort. Much less pretentious arrangements and more down to earth than most indie bands of the type(not a diss to the Decemberists or any of those bands, I like them, just a fact), each song usually featured only 3 instruments (piano, guitar, drums, violin, etc.). Gives the album an intimate feel. Nothing spectacular, but a nice, refreshing indie album. Also: Amazing male-female harmony on "don't haunt this place".

"I got worried With shaky hands So we said the words that we kept For worrying times"

I guess I am depressed. It's not like it was last week, when I just felt down because of school. I actually feel depressed now, and I'm still not sure why. I am aware there is no reason to be(?), but that doesn't seem to help. School is a huge chore and i no longer enjoy any aspect of it. Every day is arduous and boring. I never thought I'd say it: I miss last year. All I did was bitch while it was happening, but the atmosphere was much more ideal. I honestly just feel like a loser this year. We'll see if this weekend changes that, like last weekend did. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but whatever it is, I hope it comes soon. Because this condition of self isolation cannot last. I hate these stupid, sad-kid cliches, and I know that's not what I am. But...I can't help but feel I am on the outside looking in. Looking into everyone's ideal worlds, even if they are anything but.

Oh well, if history serves me, I will be better soon. I wish that optimistic side of me was actually the side that I believe in. I talk about friends too much. I always thought I didn't care what people think about me, at least as much as others. I couldn't have been more wrong. Paranoia blooms.


Music for the day: Mew- No More Stories / Are Told Today / I'm Sorry / They Washed Away / No More Stories / The World Is Grey / I'm Tired / Let's Wash Away : A really interesting, atmospheric album. A lot of layers. The band has been around for a while, and I hear their discography is equally as good. I should check it out.

Don't stand up

Don't stand up.
No, it's O.K.
Just think to know that I'm here
You're there, but that's alright.

Don't stand up,
I'll come get you
I'll mumble the words I should scream.
I'm here alone, but that's alright

Don't stand up,
It's harder if you try.
I can see you're feeling good,
You're happy, a house fire

Don't stand up,
I don't know that face
An expression of guilt? Blame?
I wouldn't blame you, anyway

Don't stand up,
let lethargy take its toll
Gun down the kids, they won't understand
Sleep around the town tonight.

Don't stand up...
I know you couldn't, if you tried.
Settle into the plague, keep it close
She'll be in town for a while.

Don't stand up, friends:
I'll open my own doors.
I know you're here, I feel it.
But I'm afraid I can't know it just yet.

Don't stand up,
Sometimes I wonder if I'm sane;
Then I grow up and go to bed
Keep a level head, don't tip the pot

Don't stand up,
I know you've grown tired of my complaints
I'll keep this one short:
I'm lost, not hurt, just confused.

Don't stand up,
It's not the same
I know it will be, soon.
4.7 isn't all too bad, really.

"Stand up, I'm not insane
Just tired.
Not insane...just tired
Not insane, just."
STOP

"Well, is that you in front of me? Coming back for even more of exactly the same? You must be a masochist to love a modern leper On his last leg"

Last night was great. Went to the promenade and saw a movie, then walked about. It was a good time. It didn't feel forced or awkward. I am not looking forward to school in 15 hours. I believe I have chorus, meaning a much earlier start. Oh well, I was the one who signed up for it. I still feel a bit down, but certainly better after having a strong weekend. I'm hoping my weekends will be great. I sure know my school days won't be.

I'm currently reading The Plague by Albert Camus. He is one of my favorite authors, and the book is haunting to say the least. I guess I don't have much to say today. Just a slight update.

Until next time

Music for the evening: Frightened Rabbit- The Midnight Organ Fight: One of those albums that I can always return to. Really great heartfelt indie rock. If you haven't heard it, go listen.

phantom influences.

I can't really say I've been too happy since school started. Luckily, tonight was a success, it felt how I pictured fall should feel. Just good weekend times. There were a few bumps, but I think it went well overall. I keep getting this sinking feeling that I am losing all of my friends. I know I'm not... and I wish I could realize that. I don't know what makes me think so negatively all the time. Sometimes I guess I just wonder what people really think of me. But you probably don't want to hear about my unproductive, paranoid ramblings.

Instead of some internal debate over some topic or idea, I suppose tonight I'll just share the review I wrote for the school paper. Whoever reads this, you are lucky. You get a sneak peak. Ha. I feel like so much more could be said for the album, but length and consideration of the audience held me back from some of my true thoughts on the album. Either way, I am happy with this review.


Brand New- Daisy


Long Island, New York hometown favorites, the genre defying band Brand New, have finally released their long anticipated fourth album. Being an avid listener and huge fan of the band, I tend to think everyone is well acquainted with their music. A brief history: The band debuted with Your Favorite Weapon, A pop-punk album in the vein of Taking Back Sunday. However, Deja Entendu, Brand New’s sophomore album, saw the band moving into much more eclectic and interesting terrain. In 2006, the band released The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, an album so musically advanced, dense, and, for lack of a better word, depressing that, to the untrained ear, it would be hard to imagine the same band had released the prior two albums. Each of the band’s albums means a great deal to me (more so Deja and The Devil and God than the debut), so writing an unbiased review would be nearly impossible. Luckily, Brand New’s 4th album, Daisy, once again redefines the band’s sound, making a new perspective on the band completely necessary.


Daisy begins with what sounds like a sample of an old religious song from some forgotten 20th century decade. For about a minute and a half, the hymn goes on. Then, suddenly, the first track, “Vices”, bursts open. All expectations are immediately put to rest as Jesse Lacey (lead vocals, guitar) screams his way through what is easily Brand New’s heaviest song. The result is a track that sounds roughly like a combination of early Fugazi and Glassjaw. Track number two, entitled “Bed”, is a bit underwhelming at first, but it still delivers. After the chaos that is “Vices”, the listener is left with a few minutes to relax with this slower, more recognizable song.


The album maintains a good flow of quiet to loud, about equal parts of each. Songs like “Gasoline” and “In a Jar” fit alongside “Vices” as some of the heaviest material Brand New has written. On the other end of the album’s spectrum, “You Stole” and “Daisy” represent a style closer to what was heard on The Devil and God. I could consider every song on the album a highlight, but if a favorite had to be chosen, it would be “Sink”. Although it is probably Daisy’s most accessible song, (it uses a fairly standard rock riff for the verses) it has one of the most chaotic and intense choruses I’ve heard from the band.


While my praise for this record is admittedly never ending, there was one problem I had with it. Unlike their past two albums, the lyrics for Daisy were primarily written by guitarist Vincent Accardi. This unfortunately seems to mean that the quality of the lyrics are not up to Jesse Lacey’s (the usual lyricist) high standards. However, there are just as many lyrical successes as there are failures. Daisy almost seems to play like an instrumental album with vocals added to compliment the astounding musicianship, so in the end, the lyrics don’t really even play as important a role as they have in the past for the band. Like all of the band’s material, Daisy is a grower. It should take at least five full listens for the average fan to fully process the changes the band has made. As for the music fans not acquainted with Brand New: this is as good an album to start on as any.


Brand New once again totally reinvents themselves, and it does them a great deal of good. A band once writing pop-punk tunes about lying girls, drinking, and heartbreak now have much more in common with 90’s grunge acts such as Nirvana or The Jesus Lizard. Modern music needs bands like Brand New ; it needs bands that consistently change their style, and do it well every time.

"Quell your prayers for love and peace. You'll wake the thought police. We can hide the truth inside."

Today was the third day of school, and it's gotten a bit better. It seems as though I'll have to actually be putting work in this year, which I guess will be good for me in the long run. Not much to say really, which is disappointing. I haven't really had much time to meditate on any topics, which is shitty. I miss being able to sit around all day, my only worry being who I am to see that day. Hopefully the weekends will be better suited for more in depth blogging.

Why is it that time seems to move quickly on a large scale(I am already a junior? How?) , but slowly on a small scale(Friday nights always seem to be so far away)? Time is just one of those things man may never TRULY understand. And isn't it better that way? Eventually we'll all be victims of it, right?


Music for the afternoon: Muse- The Resistance: The newest album by one of the first bands I really got into. While their brand of over the top, multi-layered rock isn't my favorite anymore, I still find myself able to go back to their albums. This album keeps their unspoken promise of quality, and takes a few listens to settle in properly. The last three tracks, a 3-part symphony, really make this album. Without such an ending, the album would only be half as impressive. Recommended.

Halt.

The first day is over. The first thought that entered my mind as I left the school was: "I can not believe I have to do that again all year." The classes seem, for the most part, challenging. I am hoping to be able to use my first period study hall to either roam around or study for physics or history. Physics seems to be the most challenging class. I am thoroughly disappointed in the people in my classes. I have friends in maybe 4 out of the seven classes, but only one or two per class. And most seats are assigned. The only thing I can take solace in is lunch, which I share with most of my friends. Being back in that filthy school really made me realize how much I dislike people. Sure, I like a lot of people that I get to know, but for the most part I am disappointed in humans. Ha, what a jerk. Either way, classes suck. End of story. This year I am going to attempt to actually do my work completely and honestly, and get the best grades I can. I don't know if that will give me straight A's, I don't really consider myself the organized, academic, high school type... But I will try. For journalism class, I intend to write music reviews, which should be cool. Everyone seemed pretty happy about their schedules, and I wish I could feel the same way. Most of all, I just feel a bit lonely. I don't really fit in to any group now that summer has ended and school has taken everyone apart. I feel left out. I am paranoid about things, so that might have something to do with it. Time to go do homework.


No music for today...Maybe I'll get the chance to listen later.

"Summer's freezing me. I was told to stay awake until I found my saving grace in you."

The day I have been dreading all summer is finally here: a school night. I am not so happy that this almost entirely enjoyable summer has ended, but I guess it had to. I can't say that I am excited for school at all. My classes leave a lot to be desired, friend-wise. Taking AP physics may have been a mistake, so I hope that works out... The way I see it, this year will either be great or crappy. I'm going to try as hard as I can to make it fun. I am also going to try harder than I have been at school... Apparently this is the year that really matters.

The past few days I've been thinking: what really constitutes a best friend? I have a best friend. Can I say why? No not really. I guess it just depends how some people affect you. I have a few close friends, almost best friends I guess. But what makes one person stand out? I suppose time and experience have a lot to do with it. Either way, today's discussion is a short one. I've just been a bit worried about my relationships with people, and how much I want them to last. I think everything will be fine, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. I am me, after all.

We've already started planning all of our autumnal activities. Fall is a great season, and October might be my favorite season. Here's to hoping for a good school year.

Overall: Last day of summer brings anxiety, excitement, and nostalgia. The future worries me, and I hope everything ends up the way it should be. I want my friendships to stay, and losing any of the people that mean something to me is my greatest fear.

Hopefully there will be more productive blogs in the near future.

Music for the day: Unwound- Leaves Turn Inside You: Really interesting album. Only on my second listen, but I can already tell i'll grow to like this album. The band started as a hardcore band; good but not too diverse. This, their last album, really sets them apart. It's a double disc album, 14 songs, about an hour and a half of music. There are some seriously long songs on here, and a lot of feedback. It never really gets boring, and there are some really cool ideas floating around. Recommended.

"I'm on my way out"

It is officially September. Just a few more days until school's beginning. I am not excited. We'll see how this year goes... Haven't been in a good mood today. Started last night. I don't know why. I guess I feel lonely, which is completely absurd. I know I have great friends. I guess I just need a day or two of feeling shitty every once in a while, can't really determine why. It is really inconvenient, as I had, once again, "a great summer".

But I really can't stress that enough. This summer was one of the best. It was always fun and interesting, but always relaxed too. I really just want everyone who shared this summer with me to know how much it means (all, like, 7 of you.) I sort of disconnected from some friends for the past few months, so I hope school will change that. But either way, I really solidified some great friendships this summer.

Short. I'll probably write again after the first day of school, if not earlier.


Music: Daisy. Still. It is almost all I've listened to the past three days. The more I hear it the more I love it. Can't wait for my preorder to get here.