"It's All Mine"

Slow week. I think I am getting sick, once again. Or at least, the cold I had is coming back. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad. I've got a date to homecoming, and that is pretty exciting. I didn't think I'd like anyone, but I was proven wrong. It sure is funny how I've again been reduced to a girl-sensitive, inquiring, curious blob. I guess that's just how it goes though. I am seriously curious where this path will end up though. The last one didn't get too far ... But that doesn't stop my excitement!

Purpose: Can one really have a purpose? I've been thinking lately about mine. All of the friends I have mean so much to me; all of the memories collected like rain drops in a bucket, endlessly adding up, are irreplaceable. One day all of these memories and people will be gone; there is no way around this. I won't lie and say I am an Atheist, I am not. However, it would be laughably incorrect for anyone to call me a religious person. I guess I don't know what I believe in, like most people out there. I genuinely think religion is, at its heart, a good thing. It has, over the course of history, been warped into an evil motivation, but I know that it serves a purpose. Some people take it very seriously, and I both respect and pity it. I have no such devotion to any thing, besides maybe music. I respect devotion. Unfortunately, so much of religion is just bullshit, and I think everyone knows it. Although, there is too much going on in the Universe for there to be NOTHING more than science. Nothing more than humans and what we understand to be the workings of things. But, an all loving, all powerful, all knowing, sentient BEING is just a ridiculous concept to me. I almost wish I could believe it, and I don't look down on most of the more open-minded Christians. As I said, I respect and sometimes even envy their beliefs. I take some comfort in the fact that I will never know what is really going on, at least while I live. Maybe Christianity is correct, but I just can't believe it. Maybe I will have an epiphany someday, and join some religion. If anything, I believe the answer to faith (?) needs an intrinsic question; looking outward can't possibly find a god, can it? Well certainly not a soul. A soul is something i desperately want. I don't want to be a machine made of flesh and chemicals. But I guess no one will ever know. Faith is important, but it sure would be easier if everyone had one, correct religion, wouldn't it?


Music for the evening: Portugal. The Man- Censored Colors : An album that will always remind me of this past summer. In fact, all of this band's music does. Really good, interesting pop/rock/weird.