Sunday, May 2, 2010

A new-old-young Life Beginning

"When I was younger, I always needed an explanation. If there were ever a mystery that my parents or friends or family could not shed light on, I simply had to fabricate a reason for its existence. 'Why is the sky blue?', I once asked a playmate of mine (we were barely into elementary school). He did not know the answer. I was determined to find out. One way or another, I did not figure out the answer. So, I created one. The sky was blue because it was a 'big old mirror, reflecting the oceans'. And I believed this after a while.

"So it went, for years. I made up lie after lie, and I believed myself. It came to the point where I held my own fantastic reasoning above the ideas thrown at me by textbook and teacher, family and friend. I was an autonomous learning machine, completely self-contained. As I forced the puzzle pieces of reality into ill-fitting spaces, the entire world began to look new and exciting to me. This was that. Here was there. You were me.

"Of course, this didn't exactly create a mindset that would lead to success in the 'real world'. I dropped out of high school, left my parents' house, became homeless; all by eighteen years old. Free from the last of this reality's chains, I was able to blossom fully in my own prettier world. And believe me, it was beautiful. If only you could see it... You would understand (the term understand comes from its opposite, overstand. You always know more about something while under it, right? a-ha-ha-a-ha).

"There I was, waltzing 'round the streets of cities; they were my cities. It didn't matter that I got suspicious looks, or that I didn't shower for two years, or that I only ate every few days to keep myself alive, just so I could spend some time in my perfect, explained, understandable world. Everything was mine to study and dissect-- why do rocks never float in water? The water's bubble-hands hate rocks, and push them down! But they love wood and plastic bottles; they hold them up. Why do most people sleep in beds? Well, human backs just love soft fabric to kiss! Where exactly is Wyoming? No-where. It is a black hole, staring at us across America.

"You get the idea. From eighteen to twenty, things really picked up. I was out by myself, no remnants of true reality to tether me to the ground during my storm of creation. So, how am I talking to you here today? Well, it all happened very suddenly. The day was like any other in my reality: the Sun was shining because it was looking for the Moon, whom he missed very much. I sat on the curb of some poverty-stricken street, reciting some song's lyrics in a confused monotone. Suddenly, a bird relieved itself on my shoulder. I couldn't explain that one. So I got up, asked myself 'what the fuck am I doing?', got a job, went to college, bought a home, and here I stand. Does that cover everything you wanted to know? "

"Yeah... Yes, that explains it."

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