The Way Down

O! Sleep deprived youths, when will you come to the realization that you're sorrows are for naught? When will the lonesome sense of individualism, that last shred of pride you have been left, turn into the angst and terror you for so long have feared? Only time can take away the sting of discomfort, of loneliness; unfortunately, time is a tricky, evil entity. It slows when it should accelerate, and it dashes madly at the first sight of a happy moment. If ever in trouble, the only thing to remember is this : A lie will always be a lie, and a crook will always be just that. A slow, painful decline is ahead of us. Why not enjoy our fall?

"It's All Mine"

Slow week. I think I am getting sick, once again. Or at least, the cold I had is coming back. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad. I've got a date to homecoming, and that is pretty exciting. I didn't think I'd like anyone, but I was proven wrong. It sure is funny how I've again been reduced to a girl-sensitive, inquiring, curious blob. I guess that's just how it goes though. I am seriously curious where this path will end up though. The last one didn't get too far ... But that doesn't stop my excitement!

Purpose: Can one really have a purpose? I've been thinking lately about mine. All of the friends I have mean so much to me; all of the memories collected like rain drops in a bucket, endlessly adding up, are irreplaceable. One day all of these memories and people will be gone; there is no way around this. I won't lie and say I am an Atheist, I am not. However, it would be laughably incorrect for anyone to call me a religious person. I guess I don't know what I believe in, like most people out there. I genuinely think religion is, at its heart, a good thing. It has, over the course of history, been warped into an evil motivation, but I know that it serves a purpose. Some people take it very seriously, and I both respect and pity it. I have no such devotion to any thing, besides maybe music. I respect devotion. Unfortunately, so much of religion is just bullshit, and I think everyone knows it. Although, there is too much going on in the Universe for there to be NOTHING more than science. Nothing more than humans and what we understand to be the workings of things. But, an all loving, all powerful, all knowing, sentient BEING is just a ridiculous concept to me. I almost wish I could believe it, and I don't look down on most of the more open-minded Christians. As I said, I respect and sometimes even envy their beliefs. I take some comfort in the fact that I will never know what is really going on, at least while I live. Maybe Christianity is correct, but I just can't believe it. Maybe I will have an epiphany someday, and join some religion. If anything, I believe the answer to faith (?) needs an intrinsic question; looking outward can't possibly find a god, can it? Well certainly not a soul. A soul is something i desperately want. I don't want to be a machine made of flesh and chemicals. But I guess no one will ever know. Faith is important, but it sure would be easier if everyone had one, correct religion, wouldn't it?


Music for the evening: Portugal. The Man- Censored Colors : An album that will always remind me of this past summer. In fact, all of this band's music does. Really good, interesting pop/rock/weird.

"You'd think the world you're in would always remain, but some worlds can just disappear."

I have to say it was a successful weekend. Two trips to halloweekends, and it was just as fun as its ever been. If not better. Last night was so unexpectedly good. Had to stay at my aunt's house while my parents were away, but that didn't complicate anything, luckily. At the moment, things are looking up. I've finally found reasons to be hopeful again, and it is a great feeling. Fall is on its way to the top, and I hope it keeps going.

That's all for now!

Music for the day: Shearwater- Winged Life : I have been a fan of this band for a while already, but I just picked up this album, one of their earlier ones. Not as cohesive as their two latest, but it has a few unbelievably beautiful songs on it.

"You never earned your soul"

I have a cold today. Felt awful when I awoke this morning, so decided to stay home. It gave me a chance to relax, and to finish reading The Plague. Really a moving book. Didn't top The Stranger for me, but still: Albert Camus was a genius. Truly a remarkable author. Next I think I'll read The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. Very excited to get into that. I love having books lined up to read.

This weekend looks like it has potential. Halloweekends two nights in a row! I hope everyone gets along, and everything works out. I'm tired of things being difficult and crappy. Met a really nice girl recently, and I'm hoping to get to know her better soon. I'll keep that up to date. Ha.

This year really hasn't gone too well so far. I'm really getting tired of it. I just want everything to go well, and it just disappoints me when it inevitably starts to suck. But I suppose I have control over a large portion of how happy I am.


Music for the day: Okkervil River- Black Sheep Boy : One of my favorite bands of all time, I'd have to say. Such brilliant lyrics, and such beautiful music. I don't think there is a song this band has written that I haven't been a fan of. Please do yourself a favor and download or buy this album (or any of their albums, really).

The coin, the cross, the liar, and the future.

The coin flips; what else could I expect?
The sun will rise and set, what else could I expect?
The tides will come and go, what else should I expect?

The cross is fading, separation leads the way.
The savior's waiting, just a few miles away.
I'll be saved someday, but not today.

The liar's in the past, it doesn't live.
The moments I wasted on it have passed.
I guess even memories lose their mind.

The future once looked bright.
If the present always disappoints,
How can one maintain faith in the future?



In need of a new path.

"In the neon mist I heard you breathe"

Looks like it's back to school already. Why do the weekends go so fast? This was a good weekend. Halloweekends are but a week away. So excited. We had TFH (we are looking for a new name) practice today. It went fairly well, wrote a new song.

I've been pretty alright since friday. I'm still a bit worried about one of my friendships..But I think it'll be fine. I'm hoping school will get better....soon.

So, last night the cops stopped us. Really an odd occurrence. Apparently, as we (4 of my friends and I) walked down the alleys from one person's house to another, someone thought we were trying to break into a house... It isn't as if we were even near anyone's home, we were just walking from one point to another. So, three cop cars stopped us on tilghman street, and started asking for our names and addresses and such. We got away with no trouble, i guess. Still, my impression of cops was never that high, and is now lower. I guess people just don't like teens these days.

It is going to be a long week, my friends. A long week.


Music for the night: Sea Wolf- White Water, White Bloom: Went to a record convention today, and found this. It is the band's newest album, and it doesn't come out until tuesday. Anyway, from what I've heard so far, I like it more than the debut. The band falls somewhere between Bright Eyes and The Arcade Fire.

"Don't haunt this heart, Don't haunt this place."

I am happy to say that I had a good night. It appears my assumption that weekends would bring better times was correct. A few friends came over and we baked a cake. Good time. Got my Daisy preorder today, and I couldn't be happier with it. I thought a lot today about my childhood. Mostly through the perspective of the TV shows I used to watch. There were so many stories and shows and plots that I followed so intently. I sometimes wish I had such a religious dedication as what a young boy has to his favorite action cartoons. Something fades away when you grow, maybe just that fresh perspective and sense of innocence. But I guess I already covered that. I miss Teen Titans. I miss DBZ, and Gundam, and Transformers. Ha.

I wish I knew what I want to do with my life. I really just have no idea what career to pursue. Music, journalism, writing, history? Something like that. I haven't really had much to say lately on here... Mostly just going over how I've been. No real commentary on anything so much. Hopefully soon. If not, I'm sure more "poetry" is on its way.


Music for the night: The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns: A really stripped down folk-rock sort of album. Vocals akin to The Decemberists or some other band of the sort. Much less pretentious arrangements and more down to earth than most indie bands of the type(not a diss to the Decemberists or any of those bands, I like them, just a fact), each song usually featured only 3 instruments (piano, guitar, drums, violin, etc.). Gives the album an intimate feel. Nothing spectacular, but a nice, refreshing indie album. Also: Amazing male-female harmony on "don't haunt this place".