"Is there a hand to take hold of the scene?"

So, my encounter with the dreaded H1N1 flu has seemingly come to an end. Save for the possibility of a relapse, I am done with it. It turns out, even after the sickness had left, the Tamiflu caused some major dizziness and discomfort, so I stopped taking it. Hopefully this doesn't mean the flu will come back, but it just wasn't worth it to feel dizzy constantly. So that little chapter of my life should be over now. Time to recover, both socially and academically.

Throughout my "quarantine" I did a lot of thinking. A lot of this branched out of my watching an old anime show I used to like as a middle-schooler, called FLCL. I am no fan of anime, in fact most of it gets on my nerves, but this show is just so out of the ordinary and captivating. I guess it would be classified as a comedy, but some of the themes it displays, however subtle, provide true insights into adolescent life; love and confusion being the highlights. Really, it just taught me that sometimes the journey really is more important than the destination. I feel as though, after being gone for a week, that something should have changed. That upon my return to Allen, something should be different, I should be different. I want desperately for this town to be turned upside down, for my life to make a U-turn into the happy, glorious unknown. I want an undeniably positive and mysterious force to come and change the direction these stale winds have been blowing. A storm came over the summer, it gave me goals, now forgotten. It needs to happen again. If it doesn't, these words of perseverance won't mean anything; they'll be just a lie I'm telling to get by. I can't accept the same thing over and over again. It will always lead to the same outcome: boredom and lethargy. We need a fan, a wind machine.

Music: Okkervil River- The Stage Names : Self explanatory.

Fever Tide.

Glossy eyed, fever tide.
Tremble, wake, dream.
Head full of water, sway with the waves
Sailing on (the fever tides)

Dull mind, fever tide.
Reflections in your best light.
Afloat in the sheets, stuck in a cage
Locked within (the fever tides)

No time, fever tide.
Night is day, light is dark
Sun stays down, but there's no moon
Crushed upon (the fever tides)

Fever tide, fever tide.
Lungs like balloons, floating.
Two miles down, just a matter of time.
Washed upon the shore by (the fever tides)?

Scratch that.

Well. It isn't a sinus infection. Swine Flu. Shit. All of those days worrying have boiled down to this. Woke up at 4 :30 this morning with a 102 fever and delusions that my heart wasn't beating. I guess fever can make you a little crazy. From 5:00 to 6:00 this morning was, without a doubt, the longest hour of my life. Well anyway, I'm being put on medication. I should be alright soon. I feel okay at the moment, but flu always gets worse towards the evening or early morning. Nothing like illness to put make an already great fall that much more enjoyable.

"We've made mistakes that we can't change, But there's still time to start again"

Well, what do you know? Sick today. Sinus infection most likely. This is the 3rd day of school I've missed already, and that is NOT good. Anyway, not a bad weekend I guess. Friday night was fun, and seeing The Gaslight Anthem last night was great. Murder By Death was awesome too. I've liked them for a while, but seeing them live made me appreciate them so much more. Saturday was a pretty bland day, I'm hoping that kind of thing will stop happening. I haven't written any poetry or "free writes" lately, so there should be more of that kind of thing on its way soon. I'm not sure how I am right now. Being sick sort of pulls a curtain over my real feelings. I know I'm not as bad as last week though, and I get the feeling things may be starting to turn around. I apologize for my lack of in-depth posts lately, I just haven't been in a preachy sort of mood.

I guess that'll do it for now.


Music: Murder By Death- In Bocca Al Lupo : Like I said, great live band. Just bought this, one of their earlier albums, last night. Really interesting stuff. No other bands out there today sound like MBD. On the types of songs they write, the singer said " Most are about either drinking or doom." I'd say that's about right.

"Low rising, ´Cause there´s no further for us to fall"

Today was okay. I took my prescription medicine for migraines during school; that was a mistake. Odd side effects...I can honestly say that drugs scare me, quite a bit. So, even though it helps with headaches, I'm hoping to be done with that.

Seeing The Gaslight Anthem Sunday night. Love that band so much, and I couldn't be more excited to see them again. Not much for today. Nothing really to talk about. Still waiting. Poetry soon?

Music for the night: The Swell Season- Strict Joy: Once is one of my favorite movies and The Frames are a great band. What more could you ask for? Beautiful music

Get

Happy?

"If you still want me, please forgive me, the crown of love has fallen from me."

The three day weekend ended up being shitty. But what can you do? I've been writing more lately, and posting updates less. I like that better. Basically, there is nothing to say at this point. Things are sort of shitty, and I'm not happy, but what else is new? As I mentioned a few days ago, I am eagerly awaiting some sort of change in my life, some good force to push me in some direction. Right now I'm stuck somewhere, and I can't even begin to describe where. All I know is that I want some change. I got a new hat.

Music for the day: Arcade Fire- Funeral : Fantastic album. Better than the follow up, although I love that as well. Something about Funeral is just great. One of those albums I suppose. There's a reason Pitchfork rated it #2 album of the decade.