2009

What can I really say about 2009? As we all enter the final hours of the year, and the decade, looking back and recollecting proves to be quite a daunting task. However, this year has been one of the most important yet of my life, and I feel as if I am obliged to dive into the pool of memories(if you will excuse my poor use of metaphor).

2008 ended(and 2009 began) in the basement of a friend of my ex-girlfriend. It was a rather large party, and all of my friends were there. A good time. As the final moments of the year ticked away, I vowed to become a stronger person. I wanted to be more confident in myself, let myself grow. Little did I know, I would accomplish this task. At first, of course, I noticed no change. 2009 carried on like an extension of 2008. This continued for a while. Remember, I was still in a serious relationship; I was awfully numb to most things. In May, after an uneventful Spring, that segment of my life ended. Slowly, I began to open up. It hurt a bit, like a limb slowly thawing after being out in the cold for hours. A few close friends of mine, knowing how much I was going through, decided to try to make my summer a good one. It worked.

Without a doubt, the summer of 2009 was one of the best of my life. I can't quite put my finger on what it was. But it probably had a lot to do with my best friend. I became extremely close with a very small group of people, and I loved it (you know who you are, and I thank you all endlessly). I had a group, and I fit in perfectly. I had several very close friends, and that is all I needed. It almost feels like some sort of myth at this point. Totino's Pizza Rolls, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, Gumby banging horses quotes, countless trips to Dorney Park, Weatherbox, The Dangerous Summer, burning things in some alley(and how I still walk past it often to see if the melted plastic still sticks there; it does), liking a new girl (it didn't work out quite how I wanted it to, in the end, but it spawned some great times), my trips to LBI... The list could go on for a while. Looking back on those days gives me a warm, happy feeling. I won't ever give it up.

Summer seemed to crack me open. Or, in more common terms, I stopped giving a shit about acting like a normal person. Not to say I really changed, but I know I acted more, well, weird, and still do. Life is more fun when you can act a little insane, let out your deeper thoughts, despite holding tightly onto a modest amount of sanity. It also served as a period of great musical discovery; my taste has yet again expanded into even greater territories. I began writing my poetry over the summer, and I still haven't stopped. I doubt I ever will. Nothing I write here will truly explain just how important this summer was to my development as a person, so maybe it is time to move on.

School started. Yes, that is when everything fell apart. I don't think it is quite fair to blame the collapse of our little group on the classes we were placed in; however, I am certain it has something to do with it. There really isn't much to say; things just fell apart. From September to about the middle of November, maybe earlier, things were bad. I had envisioned a fall full of friendship and trips to football games and Halloweekends, and to an extent, I received this. Fall had some great moments, some matter in the vacuum. I met another girl that I really had interest in, but of course that wasn't meant to be(there were a few others between summer and now that I had mild interest in, but none of them developed either...seeing a pattern here?). Some trips to Halloweekends were successful and fun. Some evening hangouts worked out well.

I see no point in further discussing the problems, because they ended around the time of my birthday (early December). Like every other year, my birthday party was a good time. For about 20 (less?)days I was granted some relief. Things were good, okay. Then, just in time for the holidays, the anxiety started. Mind you, this is only a bit longer than a week ago. I don't quite want to go into detail about it, but anxiety and panic attacks have been extremely frequent lately, and just when I thought that was enough, problems arose in my friendships. It will be literally impossible for me if these are to continue. I simply can't deal with it. But this blog is not about whining. I guess that brings us to the current status. I am working on fixing this anxiety sickness I have seemingly come down with. At the same time, I am trying to tie up the rips and holes in my friendships.

I am admittedly not in a good mental condition as of late. The new year begins soon. I know there will be no instantaneous change, there never is. But, just like 2009, I intend to keep evolving and growing as a person. This is my new years resolution: I want to be happy. I will not let anxiety, social problems, or anything else keep me down for too long. I may not accomplish this, but I am going to try. I am going to fix all the problems that I can with all of the friendships I have. Friends are really all we have in the end, aren't they? Here's to hoping for a strong, happy, strange, and life-changing 2010...for everyone.




P.S. I did not meet my goal of 10,000 songs. Only 9,800. Soon enough though. Soon enough.

Going to live with the wolves.

As he climbs the wooden stairs, every thought that enters his mind seems to burst apart with light and sound like a firecracker in slow motion. He doesn't bother pondering the importance of the moments that are to follow, he just ascends. "One, two, one, two" his mind says as he climbs. Maybe 20 seconds later, he is at the door to the room he slept in every night. He gathers a few things, mainly essential items of clothing and a few reminders of friends (friends now gone). Through tired eyes he glances back at the room he used to call "his". He goes back down the stairs. He exits the front door. The pack is waiting for him in the yard. Snow falls silently; it already covers the ground, so the addition of a few million more flakes makes not a bit of difference. Before he realizes what he is doing, he leaves behind his life, he walks away with the wolves. He leaves behind his family, his friends, his hopes of success. Success doesn't matter to the pack of wolves. He likes that about them. If I were watching him, I'd see a boy walking alone down a cold, icy street.

I can't help but

Sometimes, I can't help but
Imagine myself stranded,
Insane on some mountaintop
I can't help but ask
"Will the wind carry me?"
If I choose to jump.

Other days, I can't help but
Feel my wrists and legs
Lose feeling, my breathing
Speed up. I can't help but
See myself through their lenses.
When will I have some sense?

Today, I can't help but
hope for an answer.
Sometimes the walls close
So tightly around me, that
I lose sight of what is important.
I can't help but hope for peace.

Godfearing

Each person's machine/
Sits, stands spewing/
Language and humor/

An onlooker stares,/
Well oiled, clean/
Heart and soul intact/

His machine glimmers,/
Shines with the glare/
Of the lights above/

Top Twenty Albums of 2009

Although my mix CD had these in a slightly different order, this is my final, official order for my favorite albums released in 2009. This is only a top 20, and there were so many excellent albums released this year. With time, some of the albums that didn't make the top 20 may even kick some of these ones off. Time will tell, you can never guess how a certain album will age. Anyway, this was a fantastic year for music, and I believe this list accurately portrays my taste in music this year. In addition to the new albums released, I have been looking into older things quite a bit. Each year my musical taste just keeps expanding, and I wouldn't be surprised if 2010's list consisted only of "indie"(good music) albums. I'm still about 40% Absolutepunk.net and 60% Pitchfork (although their reviews piss me off to no end), but I can feel my taste shifting rapidly toward the indie-crop. But you already knew that. Before this year ends, I will have a huge synopsis of what 2009 meant to me.

1. Weatherbox- The Cosmic Drama


2. Brand New- Daisy


3. Titus Andronicus- The Airing of Grievances (reissued in 2009, so I'll count it)



4. Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson- Summer of Fear
'

5. The Antlers- Hospice



6. Manchester Orchestra- Mean Everything To Nothing


7. fun.- Aim and Ignite


8. Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavilion


9. Grizzly Bear- Veckatimest


10. The Dangerous Summer- Reach For The Sun


11. Thrice- Beggars


12. Kiss Kiss- The Meek Shall Inherit What's Left


13. Portugal. The Man- The Satanic Satanist


14. Silversun Pickups- Swoon


15.mewithoutYou- It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's Alright.


16. The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns


17. Last Lights- No Past No Present No Future


18. Kevin Devine- Brother's Blood


19. The Dear Hunter- Act III: Life and Death


20. Pissed Jeans- King of Jeans

Autumn To Winter

Why do we always go crawling back
To that Medusa glare? That serpent hair?

Why do we slip, tumble down every hill
That we so boldly intend to scale?

World Leaders

Blue light illuminates/
The man' facade./
There is much more to see/
Behind it, but the front/
Is what we get./
No eyes, no nose, but a Smile/
(A truly happy smile) That/
Tells us all of a life well lived.

The smile flips, the world flips/
We fall into/
The sick, honey-colored sky./
Windows shatter, eyes close;/
Every tree/
Is uprooted and pulled skyward ./
(I guess the world ends here)/
But we wake up the next morning.

The nest is cold and dark./
I feel my flesh/
Against the rough twig and branch./
Our mother comes home, chirps./
All of us scream/
And fly off, back towards our dirty/
Homes. (We feel sick and we sleep)/
Every night that same smile/

Taunts us, haunts us.

Public/Private

Public: Take note of me, maybe I'll stay just a bit longer. I'll try to dehumanize you, try to make an obstacle out of you; maybe then we can get along. We can be in love, it will be great. You'll cry, I'll pretend to care. No, no...I'm not saying I can't care, I'm just a little tired of being so sensitive. I just won't care this time. Even though I don't know you yet, I can imagine we'll be great together! Oh, it will be the best of times, and the best of times too. We'll listen to music, we'll jump into (the river), we will even have friends. Don't let the eyes scare you, you'll get used to them.

Private:

"Now your eyes ain't moving now; They just lay there in their clouds"

I've been pretty good. My birthday week was a success. People seem to like each other again, and we can all finally get along. My party last night was fun, and I felt like I actually had people to believe in and trust. Friends. It was great. A truly tangible feeling. Not like the foggy, unclear feelings towards people that are usually active. Ha. So I've started collecting vinyl, and it feels good. I've got four records so far, each of which is awesome. I recommend them all as highly as I can: Miles B. A. Robinson- Summer of Fear, Neutral Milk Hotel- In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, The Antlers- Hospice, and Titus Andronicus- The Airing of Grievances. Some of my favorite albums. Let's see where this hobby takes me... Vinyl DOES sound better.

I haven't really felt creative over the past few days. No poetry has been popping into my head, so I'll wait. I can feel some building up though. So expect some writing soon.

Currently listening: Neutral Milk Hotel- In The Aeroplane Over The Sea: A classic.

Happy Birthday, yesterday.

Well, I am 17.

Fine birthday. More to come soon, not feeling inspired.

YR FRST TME

_Now, at this moment, we stare/
Into the faces of our tired years/
Every memory bubbles up from/
The tar and mud of our age/
We sometimes smile, or frown/
We always forget: it won't re-happen_

_Bring me your happy, pile them here/
Bring me your sad, pile them there/
Every letter bleeds like a wound, a lie/
But "it doesn't apply(let it die)."/
To consummate my mind, I need divisions/
Every friend needs a room to sleep in_

_Take me to your severed minds/
Let me catch them, see them/
Let all ego (pounded in like dirt)/
Be swept out of your skull's kitchen door/
Sense can be made, manufactured/
Hail "the great god of my own creation"_

(noise/skid)

(crash)

(chuckle)

"So there's no open doors and there's no way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two."

Everything is alright. Tomorrow I will be going on a field trip to Bethlehem for German class, although I've never taken a German class in my life... But a field trip is a field trip is a field trip. So that is a good way to end my week.

My 17th birthday is quickly approaching, and I honestly don't know how to feel about that. I love my birthday, sure, but I am just getting so (for lack of a better word) old. Not OLD, but...My life is speeding by. What do I have to show for my 17 years? I guess I can't really answer that question. I know I'm worth something, I just wish I had a more tangible idea of what I have accomplished. And no, this is not a 1/5th life crisis, I've just been thinking.

Not too much.



Music: The Antlers- Hospice: Without a doubt, this is the most depressing album I've ever heard. On top of that, it is one of the most beautiful releases I've heard this year. An album of unbelievable melodies wrapped around a story that is more than heart-wrenching. I can't say it's one of my favorite albums (at least not yet; it needs time), but I can't remember when I've been so affected by not only an album, but a work of art in general. I cannot recommend this album enough. The first few listens won't reveal anything, it took about ten times through for the true feelings to emerge.

"And your red sky at night won't follow me"

Break is over. Just as I predicted, it was a bit bleak. There were, however, a few good nights strewn throughout the week, so I suppose it was worth it. Either way, a break from school was greatly appreciated. I can feel myself slowly falling into a rut again, and there is no way I will let that happen again. I think what I need to do is continue to change things up and try new things. When I get too bored or comfortable is when I start worrying/getting depressed. Happiness is a rather fleeting thing, and I will not let it escape me. I have to hang onto it.

I also feel as though my poetry-writings are starting to become repetitive. Even if they are not, I need to write something that truly inspires me and convinces me that my writing is worth anything. I think I may need a muse. Sothesearchbegins.

I'm sitting in physics class, and this is turning out to be one of the longest school days yet this year. I haven't had a good rant for a while, but I just haven't been pissed off enough. I haven't had the right sort of passion. Well, I better start paying attention to centripetal force and tension.

Music for the past few days: The Twilight Sad- Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters :
An album full of overwhelming emotion. The sort of album that keeps bringing you back for more listens, and reveals a new detail each time. The band has released a new album recently, and I am excited to hear that if is even half as good as this beautiful release.

The Ones Who Think

O, set Doubt aside the sick/
Let him rot amongst them/
Let the scent of the two/
Fill our town's humble roads/

O, lay Anxiety down/
Upon a bed of needles/
Let it puncture and maim/
Such a clever crook/

And yet, throw Depression/
Into the river, let him be taken/
Down to the fiery, boiling/
Pots and baths of the valley/

O! These three spiteful villains/
Shall never again trouble the minds/
And hearts of so innocent a crop/
As we, The Ones Who Think/

Beyond every poet, beyond every artist/
Lies the troubled mind that grieves/
For everything that has yet to happen/
Let all doubts, worries, and preoccupations/
Blow away with the stale winds of The Negative/

All is forgiven, and All will be well/
Time is all it takes.

"We’re half-awake in a fake empire"

I haven't posted a life update on this for a while. Haven't felt like it. I enjoy writing more. My poetry and whatever may suck, but i love writing it. And I'm not going to stop until something I write makes someone cry. And not even then. I just want to write things that mean something to someone. Me, even.

Life has been up and down. Had a little bit of a girl interest, but that faded quickly. But it was cool while it lasted. Easy come, easy go. I've been getting into reading old poetry lately. Some really beautiful stuff out there. To balance out the addition of such a sissy thing, I've decided to join the football team next year. Not really. I have been sick, with a sinus infection, so I missed working two days in a row (today and tomorrow). This really sucks, because it would have been my first real two days in a row sort of thing at this job. I'm starting to be put into a rotation, and this is not a good first impression. But you can't control sickness. This break is seeming to be a bit bleak. Hopefully some fun comes out of it, but either way it is appreciated.

Music for the night: The National- Boxer: Thoughtful, interesting music. Really fits the mood of these past few days: somber, but not completely unhappy.

Gaze

The source of this cannot be found.
It goes back, before the shoreline.
It goes back, before the smoke.
It goes back, before the thoughts.

The apologies were not sincere.
They were ceramic.
They were manufactured.
Every word we said was pretty.
They were porcelain. They stung when they broke.

The prologue meant more to us.
The chapters get more and more boring.
The pages rip as we turn them.
The words, the ink, is nothing more
Than notes in some birds song.
We tried to gather an orchestra.

The thoughts in our heads,
Swim through hoops and tunnels
We used to think of each other as people. The time
Passed us, in the back of those yellow rooms.
The tones we used, showed not only
Love, but understanding. Our eyes met
Many times. Words weren't needed.


Just a gaze.

To Live (without sound)

SCENE ONE

One, Two figures stand onstage. Both are dressed casually. One, Two breathe in and one, two, three spotlights are turned on behind them. The audience is gasping, in some cases fainting. One ascends (using rope and sandbags) up to the rafters. Two descends, via trapdoor.

[Laugh track]

Setting: Apartment, empty. Five men sit around a wooden table. After a few minutes of silence, each man slowly rises to his feet and exits. Empty set for five minutes. Man knocks on door; door opens. Man enters. Silence for several awkward seconds, Man falls to his knees. Startling noise erupts in the otherwise silent stage. Audience looks puzzled, but soon realizes the man is screaming.

"NOT NOW, NEVER HERE" is screamed, with such passion that several Audience members are brought to tears. Smoke fills the stage, Man disappears.

Two hours pass, the smoke clears. Several Audience members have left. Most have remained. A small, rhythmic tapping can be heard. The tapping grows in volume for the next thirty seconds or so, until a women in high heels walks across the stage. She disappears, stage right. Gunshot rings through the theatre.


SCENE TWO

A small boy, carrying a plastic animal (ambiguous), waltzes across the stage, right to left. After the boy has gone, music begins to play. Screeching and out of tune, it causes several audience members to leave. An elderly gentleman crawls out of the audience and onto the stage. He boasts, in a foreign language, of a revolver taped to his forehead. An armchair is lowered from the rafters, and the man takes a seat. A coffee table, atop of which sits a newspaper, is then slid violently across the stage. It comes to rest in front of the man.

The elderly man peruses the newspaper for twenty minutes or so until, with no explanation, he removes the revolver from his forehead and exits, stage left. Audience member 124 stands and begins to chant: "Nos Volo Magis, Прежде, чем этот показ закончен"

All Audience members stand, and a flurry of curses and screams are thrown at the stage. Anarchy erupts, fights break out. Suddenly, through the doors opposite the stage (behind the quarreling Audience), a dozen doctors run into the theater. On stretchers, the Audience members are carried out into the street. Several Doctors are killed.

SCENE THREE

Time reverses. All that was done has been undone.

One, Two figures stand onstage. Both are dressed casually. One, Two breathe in and one, two, three spotlights are turned on behind them. The audience is gasping, in some cases fainting. One ascends (using rope and sandbags) up to the rafters. Two descends, via trapdoor...

Reap::Sow

I'll sit down and let the rapids/tides/waves rush Over Me.
I'll take strides in the direction away from home.
No matter where I go, I'll always end up back here.
With you(pl). With Them. With us, with me.
What a pompous race we all are/run.
Taking with us the instincts of animals,
We inject the idea of souls into our thoughts/mind.
As the lights cut my vision, I no longer want you.
As the next shoe drops, my dreams morph,
Into what will happen, what must.
After all, Aren't we just a peripheral
Thought in the mind of some worn out, cynical
Man? I couldn't think of a more fitting God.
What choice does one have? Take it for what it is:
A lie/picket fence/silver spoon/malnourished insect.
Life: it no longer exists.
Time: measured solely by how many time blood pumps
Through a piece of meat.
Maybe our minds will ascend, our souls will triumph.
Maybe everything we live for, everything we do,
Is tallied out in space.
Maybe we are this fall's harvest.
Reap::Sow.

11/14

Last night was incredible. I finally, after all this time, saw Brand New. I've seen a lot of shows, but this was probably the best I've ever been to. Everything about the band's set was just perfect. When they opened with "Welcome to Bangkok" and transitioned into "Sink", I pretty much felt complete. Just complete perfection. Crime In Stereo played first, and they did great. The vocal mix left a lot to be desired, however. Thrice played an amazing set, and they are definitely one of the best live bands around today. I am so unbelievably satisfied with last night. One of the few highlights of junior year so far. Just a great, great night.

That will be all.

"All things heal with time, and all things die with time."

Well, what an interesting week. I seem to have, for now, pulled out of that deep "depression" I was in for a while. I've got a great weekend lined up, and if everything goes how it should, I will quite the happy man. The strangest thing happened. Sunday night, I had a dream; soon after this dream (Tuesday, to be exact), things seemed to start playing out eerily like in the dream. It was a good dream, so I'm not complaining. Only time will tell if everything happens how it did that night in my sleep. I'll keep you(?) informed, but there is no use mentioning it if I am just being weird about the situation.

Either way, I can honestly say I've felt more happiness this week than I have in a while. I hope everything holds up, at least for a little while.



Good night.



Music for the night: The Builders and The Butchers- Salvation is A Deep Dark Well: An album full of dark, powerful, folky Americana. Found two of their albums, this one being the most recent. It boasts a much fuller sound than the earlier album, but both seem to be quite good. Keeping my eye on this band.

Cloud

I thought I saw the future in a dream.
But perhaps the dream just pushed me toward the future.

My America.

The red-faced politician screaming his beliefs, they are the only way out.

The pale, white faced kids, tapping at keys and ruining their ears.

The blue faced criminal, hanging from a noose in your grandfather's garden.

Too Much Sleep

I need to cut the strings. Real people can not be imaginary friends. I'll never be satisfied until it's past(passed), so why bother striving for satisfaction? When someone asks me "what's wrong?", I seldom have the ability to answer. I think, above all else, the problem is as follows:

I WANT STABILITY.
I HAVE STABILITY=MONOTONY.
I HAVEN'T STABILITY=DEPENDABILITY.
I HAVE EVERYTHING NEEDED, BUT FEW THINGS WANTED.


I need to meditate. I need to sort things out. There is no appropriate metaphor for how my life is right now. Maybe a swamp. Maybe not. The few rays of sunshine are fleeting. Shut the fuck up, because I am tired of getting caught in the middle. I wonder if, come December, I'll look back and laugh at how foolish and unhappy I've been. I had a dream, we were on a roller coaster, and we went down into some pit, and everyone dropped their valuables into a net. I guess it was just a haunted house, but I never did get out. I woke up wrapped in a spider's web somewhere down there. You lived in a cabin, and I loved you then. Maybe I will forever. Until something better comes along, that is.

A guy can hope.

Another crook.

We're so offensive, defensive.
Worthless pieces, piles.
Puzzles, grains of sand.
The same pattern, repeated.
Day after day, waltz through the songs.

Stale thoughts, stale affections.
Let the water rush on,
Your commands can't stop it.
The sky grows light, then darkens.
What makes you think you can change it?

You cry "this is unjust!"
But, The Jury brushes it aside.
You plead insanity, you swear it.
They can see through it.
They see the scared boy underneath.

The trees whisper fabricated secrets,
As you complain to your cell mates
"I just needed ____, I shouldn't be here!"
They laugh, They all tried being crazy, too.
"Even I tried that", says the demon in the corner

Every path is just a dead end.
The faces we wear are false.
Every hour that ticks by,
Reeks of hate and boredom.
The faces we wear are not our own.

"You came to take us, All things go, all things go To recreate us"

Bland day off. Oh well, what would I expect. Nothing too good, and nothing too bad. Sums up this point in my life. I seriously think nothing has changed since October started, or maybe even since school started. Nothing has changed. Or at least, nothing for me. I'm still waiting, and looking. Two of the people I care most about seem to have stopped caring about me (to varying degrees, of course). Fuck this year, and I don't care that my blog has just been complaining lately. Ever since swine flu that's all its been, really. One good entry, and the rest is this. Maybe some poetry will come to me soon.

Music for the night: Sufjan Stevens- Illinoise: Been meaning to check this out for about 3 years now. Finally did. Really great stuff. Worth the praise.

Refresh

I used to press a cell phone to my head for hours.
I divulged secrets. I loved, I lost, I won.
I got out of it. It's what I'm best at.
I sit here with my music, as if...
As if it proves my worth, my existence.
I had great moments, I had bad ones.
I know, I hope, I still have many of each.
They all tell me I have low hopes.
I guess, I just think it is reality.
But what is reality? Why would I know?
I get through every day like trudging through...
Wet sand, or some other fucking metaphor.
I have fun, I laugh. I have friends.
One, maybe two, things keep me down.
I'm fine. Why do I end the day feeling
Well, FEELING, man FEELING incomplete.
When does the good have its turn again?
And what the fuck does this..
Does this have to do with real life?
Where is God? WHERE is salvation?
Don't get.me.wrong. I have no illusions...
That my problems matter. I just, wash them away.
What do my complaints have to do with the poor
Man in China, in India, in Africa?
I bet he wishes he had my problems.
I bet he'd kill his neighbor for them.
We all think we have so much time ahead of us.
I'm not even 17. I should be fine.
CHANCES ARE. But, If I, if WE, HAVE SO much time...
Why do I feel like I'm done?
SO GIRLS, SO GUYS, SO LADIES, SO GENTS:
I know this is just a vertical list of complaints,
I know it's no poem.
Leave it be.
Refresh.

"You're pretty good at forgiving what hasn't happened yet"

So, Homecoming sort of sucked. Mostly my fault, I was acting awkward. Plus, I just don't like dancing. After the dance was really fun though, so that makes up for it. I finished my review of Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson- Summer of Fear, so let me know what you think. Day off Tuesday. Excellent.

Yes, the man has a long name. The first thing anyone will say when you mention the Brooklyn based singer/songwriter is “What was his name again?”. So, for the sake of convenience, we’ll just stick with “Robinson” or “MBAR” for the time being. After falling into a drug and alcohol induced depression, Robinson made some important friends in the indie rock community (Kyp Malone of TV on the Radio and Chris Taylor of Grizzly Bear) who, fortunately, saw a great amount of talent in the struggling musician. In 2008, MBAR’s eponymous debut was released, amounting a Vampire Weekend sized amount of hype in the New York indie scene. Shortly after the debut was released, Saddle Creek records (home of giants such as Bright Eyes and Cursive) came a-knockin’ at Robinson’s door, and the deal was settled. Summer of Fear, an album that Miles had been working on even before his debut, was released digitally on September 22^nd, 2009 as his sophomore release.

Where the debut had only 10 songs, Summer of Fear has 13, and runs over an hour long. If one had to choose an adjective to describe the mood of Robinson’s songs, “depressing” would be a top contender. However, Summer of Fear seems to have a few strands of hope that the debut lacked. The album begins on a somber note with “Shake a Shot”, which introduces the electric piano that becomes a staple throughout almost the entire album. Summer of Fear takes MBAR in a direction that seems to make sense, but also comes as a surprise. One would have thought that the somber acoustic numbers that populated about half of the debut would reappear; however, it seems that the young song-writer delved into his rock history and used the influences of artists such as Bob Dylan(most obvious on the eleven-minute epic “More Than A Mess”), Tom Petty, and, in some instances, Bruce Springsteen.

The production, courtesy of the aforementioned Kyp Malone, gives each instrument on the album the perfect amount of room to breathe. The use of multiple vocal tracks also add to Robinson’s charm, although his voice is, without a doubt, a love it or hate it sort of thing. Unlike his 2008 effort, Summer of Fear finds MBAR using various vocal styles; at one moment he could be speaking and a second later he could be belting out soulfully. Tracks such as “The Sound” and “Trap Door” showcase both Robinson’s pop sensibility and his bleak lyrics (“Why should I try to hang onto anyone else, it’s a hard enough time just trying to hang myself” or “There’s a trap door in every rock bottom”).

Each and every song on the album adds to the overall effect, and I couldn’t imagine the record being the same if any of the songs were to be removed. The tracks often seem to reach a climax towards the end, and choruses are not present in every song. Miles does an excellent job of keeping every song interesting, and Summer of Fear is sure to keep even his fans guessing upon their first listen. “The 100^th of March” and “Always an Anchor” are in close competition for my favorite track, but in reality, any song off of the album could be considered a favorite track. Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson has released one of 2009’s best records, and, if he keeps it up, deserves to go down in history as one of our generation’s best songwriters.

"The song said it all to the sky"

I've started making up my school work, and I'd say I'm almost 50% done. By the end of next week I should be completely caught up. During 5th period today I began feeling sick again, and came home after school and took a 2 hour nap. I don't know if I am getting sick AGAIN, or not, but I don't like it. Tomorrow night is the homecoming game/possible trick or treating. Saturday is the homecoming dance, which is completely shrouded in mystery. I really haven't any idea what is going on for that, and I still need to buy my ticket tomorrow. I guess I'll fill (you?) in about it after homecoming is over. Spirit week next week, and a day off on Tuesday. I have a feeling not much will be getting done. That's about it for my school/health update.

Socially, nothing is new. Rather lonely, rather bored. But I shouldn't be complaining really. October was supposed to be so great, and it just was not. But, stay hopeful! Maybe something will happen. Basically, I still feel how I did last time I posted on here. The repetition is getting to me, and as cliche' as it sounds, I wish a girl would be sent my way. We'll see. I'm working on a review of Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson's new album for the school paper. I guess I am the only one at Allen who knows his music, but why not introduce people to new, good music? I read Pitchfork's review, and it really pissed me off, so that inspired me to write one. Better get started soon. That's all for now. Poetry or something soon.

Music for the night: Volcano Choir- Unmap : Complex, ambient music featuring the amazing vocals of Justin Vernon (Bon Iver); pretty much a formula for excellence. Recommended.

"Is there a hand to take hold of the scene?"

So, my encounter with the dreaded H1N1 flu has seemingly come to an end. Save for the possibility of a relapse, I am done with it. It turns out, even after the sickness had left, the Tamiflu caused some major dizziness and discomfort, so I stopped taking it. Hopefully this doesn't mean the flu will come back, but it just wasn't worth it to feel dizzy constantly. So that little chapter of my life should be over now. Time to recover, both socially and academically.

Throughout my "quarantine" I did a lot of thinking. A lot of this branched out of my watching an old anime show I used to like as a middle-schooler, called FLCL. I am no fan of anime, in fact most of it gets on my nerves, but this show is just so out of the ordinary and captivating. I guess it would be classified as a comedy, but some of the themes it displays, however subtle, provide true insights into adolescent life; love and confusion being the highlights. Really, it just taught me that sometimes the journey really is more important than the destination. I feel as though, after being gone for a week, that something should have changed. That upon my return to Allen, something should be different, I should be different. I want desperately for this town to be turned upside down, for my life to make a U-turn into the happy, glorious unknown. I want an undeniably positive and mysterious force to come and change the direction these stale winds have been blowing. A storm came over the summer, it gave me goals, now forgotten. It needs to happen again. If it doesn't, these words of perseverance won't mean anything; they'll be just a lie I'm telling to get by. I can't accept the same thing over and over again. It will always lead to the same outcome: boredom and lethargy. We need a fan, a wind machine.

Music: Okkervil River- The Stage Names : Self explanatory.

Fever Tide.

Glossy eyed, fever tide.
Tremble, wake, dream.
Head full of water, sway with the waves
Sailing on (the fever tides)

Dull mind, fever tide.
Reflections in your best light.
Afloat in the sheets, stuck in a cage
Locked within (the fever tides)

No time, fever tide.
Night is day, light is dark
Sun stays down, but there's no moon
Crushed upon (the fever tides)

Fever tide, fever tide.
Lungs like balloons, floating.
Two miles down, just a matter of time.
Washed upon the shore by (the fever tides)?

Scratch that.

Well. It isn't a sinus infection. Swine Flu. Shit. All of those days worrying have boiled down to this. Woke up at 4 :30 this morning with a 102 fever and delusions that my heart wasn't beating. I guess fever can make you a little crazy. From 5:00 to 6:00 this morning was, without a doubt, the longest hour of my life. Well anyway, I'm being put on medication. I should be alright soon. I feel okay at the moment, but flu always gets worse towards the evening or early morning. Nothing like illness to put make an already great fall that much more enjoyable.

"We've made mistakes that we can't change, But there's still time to start again"

Well, what do you know? Sick today. Sinus infection most likely. This is the 3rd day of school I've missed already, and that is NOT good. Anyway, not a bad weekend I guess. Friday night was fun, and seeing The Gaslight Anthem last night was great. Murder By Death was awesome too. I've liked them for a while, but seeing them live made me appreciate them so much more. Saturday was a pretty bland day, I'm hoping that kind of thing will stop happening. I haven't written any poetry or "free writes" lately, so there should be more of that kind of thing on its way soon. I'm not sure how I am right now. Being sick sort of pulls a curtain over my real feelings. I know I'm not as bad as last week though, and I get the feeling things may be starting to turn around. I apologize for my lack of in-depth posts lately, I just haven't been in a preachy sort of mood.

I guess that'll do it for now.


Music: Murder By Death- In Bocca Al Lupo : Like I said, great live band. Just bought this, one of their earlier albums, last night. Really interesting stuff. No other bands out there today sound like MBD. On the types of songs they write, the singer said " Most are about either drinking or doom." I'd say that's about right.

"Low rising, ´Cause there´s no further for us to fall"

Today was okay. I took my prescription medicine for migraines during school; that was a mistake. Odd side effects...I can honestly say that drugs scare me, quite a bit. So, even though it helps with headaches, I'm hoping to be done with that.

Seeing The Gaslight Anthem Sunday night. Love that band so much, and I couldn't be more excited to see them again. Not much for today. Nothing really to talk about. Still waiting. Poetry soon?

Music for the night: The Swell Season- Strict Joy: Once is one of my favorite movies and The Frames are a great band. What more could you ask for? Beautiful music

Get

Happy?

"If you still want me, please forgive me, the crown of love has fallen from me."

The three day weekend ended up being shitty. But what can you do? I've been writing more lately, and posting updates less. I like that better. Basically, there is nothing to say at this point. Things are sort of shitty, and I'm not happy, but what else is new? As I mentioned a few days ago, I am eagerly awaiting some sort of change in my life, some good force to push me in some direction. Right now I'm stuck somewhere, and I can't even begin to describe where. All I know is that I want some change. I got a new hat.

Music for the day: Arcade Fire- Funeral : Fantastic album. Better than the follow up, although I love that as well. Something about Funeral is just great. One of those albums I suppose. There's a reason Pitchfork rated it #2 album of the decade.

A Conclusion

-How was your childhood?
Wasn't bad. I guess they gave him a bunch of video games and kept his attention somewhere far off so they could do what they had to, you know? This morning, though, they gave me three fuckin' cups of coffee, haha!

-After yesterday, how are you feeling? You weren't looking so good towards the end.
Just everything, I guess. It's all gone bad for me these days. What with the thoughts doubling, and the...I know- We'll build something, man! I'm serious! We can finally get her out of here!

-My friend tells me you used to be quite the writer. He wants me to tell you he really loved your first novel.
What?

- Anyway, I never got your name. They said you wouldn't tell anyone else, but I'd like to think of us as friends.
My what? Have you ever caught a snowflake? Man, it's fuckin' unbelievable. The other day I was sitting in my room and one just fell into my palm. I looked at the thing for a good hour. I think I might have done something wrong, the motherfucker disappeared. I guess that's the closest thing I have to a name. Us? Friends? I don't know man, I sure do got a lot of friends already... And you know what they say about friends.

-Have you ever found love?
Yeah, I saw it once. The clock on my computer screen sometimes clicks by, and it reminds me of a girl I met once. Not any number, man, no. Just the changing of the digits. It just reminds me of her. I think she [incoherent]. I guess I just have to go to the field again [laughs]

-I think this will conclude our interview. Thanks for taking the time, I sincerely love your work sir. I hope you remember me.
Oh, of course I'll remember you. The amusement park was such a great time last night! That night'll last forever. Why not come join me for din-....Lauren? Who is this man in my room? I want him out. Now.

A Conversation

-What did you do to get here?
Oh I just did what any guy would do, I guess... I let everything boil down to the smallest, most insignificant level of complexity, then I attacked it. Oh, I really ripped that fucker apart. I found out things about myself that I never thought I could know. It's funny, guys like me, we don't usually like to sleep in a soup, a stew, like this...

-You just missed 11:11, how is that?
It's okay. I always used to catch that elusive thing. I guess some kids wish on it, but that ain't how I do it. I just take a look...look down into the pixels that make up the numbers, really study them. Only then can someone like you, that uptight type, really get the meaning. I'm hoping to catch it again sometime... I guess once I'm out of this storm, I'll finally be able to see the sun, so to speak.

-Do you think anyone can truly know who they are?
Shit, man... They didn't say you'd be askin' these kinds of questions. Well hey, I couldn't give a shit less who I am. I guess the question should go back to you, eh? Do you know you you are?

- No, I guess I don't. But I am the inquisitive type, that's for sure. Do you play the piano?
Sure I do! Yeah, I was great back when the notes used to actually care about me. Yeah, man, they used to pop into my head like like bad ideas. One, two, three, haha! I used to be able to write song after song after song. Then one day, she left... I guess that's why the notes left too.

- What is your earliest memory?
Well, I guess it was this morning...brushing my teeth. [laughs]

- I can tell you are starting to get tired of this. How about we pick the interview up again tomorrow?
Yeah, that would be better. I am feeling a little dizzy, come to think of it. Actually, I guess "Think" would be the wrong word for that sentence because I can't think of-

END

"When smile ain’t a smile, just some teeth messing with your mind... Well you’re right to fear the fear you fear you’ll find"

Things are pretty foggy this week. Not really sure what's happening, but a 3-day weekend is coming up, and I need it. Hopefully just the usual hanging out or Dorneying will take place, but I am more than ready for some diversity in my life. Nothing has really changed since summer ended. The repetition is starting to get to me, already. Every weekend is still fun, but even they are beginning to blend... I need a defining moment for this period of my life, because that hasn't happened yet. So much potential everywhere I look...why do things have to be so complicated?

I've been thinking about time lately. I have an assignment for my AP English class, it is basically a "choose a topic then write about it" sort of thing. So, I chose to write ( half satirically) about the benefits of time travel. I have to finish it for tomorrow, and that should be interesting. If it ends up being any good, maybe I'll post it. Don't hold your breath though.

Music for the day: Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson- Summer of Fear : Incredible album. His debut was great, and this release just builds upon that. Despite its summery title, the music fits this time of year perfectly.

Monetary vs. Divine motivation

Floating in the sea, shaking with your fleet.
I can see, see you; Can you see, see me?
Take a minute, look around:
The water is deep, it's especially cold
Today.

After our hands meet, let your mind have a seat.
I can-we- I can hope we
I can hope we go -we-
I can hope we go somewhere nice and cozy when We (I, YOU, ALL)

Let the sentence finish. Not so hard is it?
Smarter men than you or I have thought long and hard about what...
What to write in them books of theirs.
Who says it ain't right?

Who says it ain't right, right?
Wrong, Can it be wrong, no?

Let the words pour, let the topics soar.
She can't take no more, I CAN TAKE no more.


Oh, put it back now...
(or just leave it be)

Sitting in math class.

Well, I figure that since I can access my blog in this class, and I have no idea what the teacher is explaining, I'll post an update. This past weekend was strange. A friend slept over friday night(fun night), and I had to work saturday morning at 7. One can assume that I was tired for the rest of the weekend. My loss of sleep and thrown off schedule put me in an odd mood; I felt very anxious and strange saturday night and sunday. My last entry should back that thought up pretty well.


I enjoy writing poetry, or whatever you'd like to call those pieces of writing. I think the number of those entries will increase, especially if my anxious moods continue.

Here's to another week. Wake me when friday arrives.


Currently listening to: A lesson on coterminal angles.

My Nightmares, a collection

An orange tree, ignited in a forest of green
Melting plastic bags, burning wooden desks
The citizens gather round, try to keep warm
They argue with the flames, persuade them to grow

The judge looks down upon the defendant,
The jury shifts and glimmers, only half there.
Lawyers, eyes empty, bark at each other.
The ceiling falls in, and they disappear.

He sits next to his friend, his lover
She smiles to herself and he laughs
They look out the window and see the wolves grinning
Tomorrow will come for neither of them.

Two hours pass, a silver piano plays.
Diamonds for keys, Golden strings struck by Sapphire hammers
The musician yells A-flat until the crowd weeps
Jewels fall from the theatre's balcony, flooding the audience.

I sit in the room where my pride fell to its knees
I wait for another chance to grovel.
God has plans for us all, she always said.
I can only hope "The End Is Near",

I can only hope that insane New York street corner prophet is correct.

"Static"

The month of September is over. Without a doubt, one of the longest months I can remember. It's odd, I almost can't remember anything before this month began... I miss summer, more than I even thought I would. I'm not going to lie and say everything sucks now, but it just isn't as good.

I don't want to rant for three posts in a row, so I'll keep this one simple. That's it.






Music for the evening: Godspeed You! Black Emperor- Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To The Heavens: A beautiful album. Instrumental, but not for a moment boring. Captivating, exhausting, amazing music.

The Way Down

O! Sleep deprived youths, when will you come to the realization that you're sorrows are for naught? When will the lonesome sense of individualism, that last shred of pride you have been left, turn into the angst and terror you for so long have feared? Only time can take away the sting of discomfort, of loneliness; unfortunately, time is a tricky, evil entity. It slows when it should accelerate, and it dashes madly at the first sight of a happy moment. If ever in trouble, the only thing to remember is this : A lie will always be a lie, and a crook will always be just that. A slow, painful decline is ahead of us. Why not enjoy our fall?

"It's All Mine"

Slow week. I think I am getting sick, once again. Or at least, the cold I had is coming back. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad. I've got a date to homecoming, and that is pretty exciting. I didn't think I'd like anyone, but I was proven wrong. It sure is funny how I've again been reduced to a girl-sensitive, inquiring, curious blob. I guess that's just how it goes though. I am seriously curious where this path will end up though. The last one didn't get too far ... But that doesn't stop my excitement!

Purpose: Can one really have a purpose? I've been thinking lately about mine. All of the friends I have mean so much to me; all of the memories collected like rain drops in a bucket, endlessly adding up, are irreplaceable. One day all of these memories and people will be gone; there is no way around this. I won't lie and say I am an Atheist, I am not. However, it would be laughably incorrect for anyone to call me a religious person. I guess I don't know what I believe in, like most people out there. I genuinely think religion is, at its heart, a good thing. It has, over the course of history, been warped into an evil motivation, but I know that it serves a purpose. Some people take it very seriously, and I both respect and pity it. I have no such devotion to any thing, besides maybe music. I respect devotion. Unfortunately, so much of religion is just bullshit, and I think everyone knows it. Although, there is too much going on in the Universe for there to be NOTHING more than science. Nothing more than humans and what we understand to be the workings of things. But, an all loving, all powerful, all knowing, sentient BEING is just a ridiculous concept to me. I almost wish I could believe it, and I don't look down on most of the more open-minded Christians. As I said, I respect and sometimes even envy their beliefs. I take some comfort in the fact that I will never know what is really going on, at least while I live. Maybe Christianity is correct, but I just can't believe it. Maybe I will have an epiphany someday, and join some religion. If anything, I believe the answer to faith (?) needs an intrinsic question; looking outward can't possibly find a god, can it? Well certainly not a soul. A soul is something i desperately want. I don't want to be a machine made of flesh and chemicals. But I guess no one will ever know. Faith is important, but it sure would be easier if everyone had one, correct religion, wouldn't it?


Music for the evening: Portugal. The Man- Censored Colors : An album that will always remind me of this past summer. In fact, all of this band's music does. Really good, interesting pop/rock/weird.

"You'd think the world you're in would always remain, but some worlds can just disappear."

I have to say it was a successful weekend. Two trips to halloweekends, and it was just as fun as its ever been. If not better. Last night was so unexpectedly good. Had to stay at my aunt's house while my parents were away, but that didn't complicate anything, luckily. At the moment, things are looking up. I've finally found reasons to be hopeful again, and it is a great feeling. Fall is on its way to the top, and I hope it keeps going.

That's all for now!

Music for the day: Shearwater- Winged Life : I have been a fan of this band for a while already, but I just picked up this album, one of their earlier ones. Not as cohesive as their two latest, but it has a few unbelievably beautiful songs on it.

"You never earned your soul"

I have a cold today. Felt awful when I awoke this morning, so decided to stay home. It gave me a chance to relax, and to finish reading The Plague. Really a moving book. Didn't top The Stranger for me, but still: Albert Camus was a genius. Truly a remarkable author. Next I think I'll read The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. Very excited to get into that. I love having books lined up to read.

This weekend looks like it has potential. Halloweekends two nights in a row! I hope everyone gets along, and everything works out. I'm tired of things being difficult and crappy. Met a really nice girl recently, and I'm hoping to get to know her better soon. I'll keep that up to date. Ha.

This year really hasn't gone too well so far. I'm really getting tired of it. I just want everything to go well, and it just disappoints me when it inevitably starts to suck. But I suppose I have control over a large portion of how happy I am.


Music for the day: Okkervil River- Black Sheep Boy : One of my favorite bands of all time, I'd have to say. Such brilliant lyrics, and such beautiful music. I don't think there is a song this band has written that I haven't been a fan of. Please do yourself a favor and download or buy this album (or any of their albums, really).

The coin, the cross, the liar, and the future.

The coin flips; what else could I expect?
The sun will rise and set, what else could I expect?
The tides will come and go, what else should I expect?

The cross is fading, separation leads the way.
The savior's waiting, just a few miles away.
I'll be saved someday, but not today.

The liar's in the past, it doesn't live.
The moments I wasted on it have passed.
I guess even memories lose their mind.

The future once looked bright.
If the present always disappoints,
How can one maintain faith in the future?



In need of a new path.

"In the neon mist I heard you breathe"

Looks like it's back to school already. Why do the weekends go so fast? This was a good weekend. Halloweekends are but a week away. So excited. We had TFH (we are looking for a new name) practice today. It went fairly well, wrote a new song.

I've been pretty alright since friday. I'm still a bit worried about one of my friendships..But I think it'll be fine. I'm hoping school will get better....soon.

So, last night the cops stopped us. Really an odd occurrence. Apparently, as we (4 of my friends and I) walked down the alleys from one person's house to another, someone thought we were trying to break into a house... It isn't as if we were even near anyone's home, we were just walking from one point to another. So, three cop cars stopped us on tilghman street, and started asking for our names and addresses and such. We got away with no trouble, i guess. Still, my impression of cops was never that high, and is now lower. I guess people just don't like teens these days.

It is going to be a long week, my friends. A long week.


Music for the night: Sea Wolf- White Water, White Bloom: Went to a record convention today, and found this. It is the band's newest album, and it doesn't come out until tuesday. Anyway, from what I've heard so far, I like it more than the debut. The band falls somewhere between Bright Eyes and The Arcade Fire.

"Don't haunt this heart, Don't haunt this place."

I am happy to say that I had a good night. It appears my assumption that weekends would bring better times was correct. A few friends came over and we baked a cake. Good time. Got my Daisy preorder today, and I couldn't be happier with it. I thought a lot today about my childhood. Mostly through the perspective of the TV shows I used to watch. There were so many stories and shows and plots that I followed so intently. I sometimes wish I had such a religious dedication as what a young boy has to his favorite action cartoons. Something fades away when you grow, maybe just that fresh perspective and sense of innocence. But I guess I already covered that. I miss Teen Titans. I miss DBZ, and Gundam, and Transformers. Ha.

I wish I knew what I want to do with my life. I really just have no idea what career to pursue. Music, journalism, writing, history? Something like that. I haven't really had much to say lately on here... Mostly just going over how I've been. No real commentary on anything so much. Hopefully soon. If not, I'm sure more "poetry" is on its way.


Music for the night: The Rural Alberta Advantage- Hometowns: A really stripped down folk-rock sort of album. Vocals akin to The Decemberists or some other band of the sort. Much less pretentious arrangements and more down to earth than most indie bands of the type(not a diss to the Decemberists or any of those bands, I like them, just a fact), each song usually featured only 3 instruments (piano, guitar, drums, violin, etc.). Gives the album an intimate feel. Nothing spectacular, but a nice, refreshing indie album. Also: Amazing male-female harmony on "don't haunt this place".

"I got worried With shaky hands So we said the words that we kept For worrying times"

I guess I am depressed. It's not like it was last week, when I just felt down because of school. I actually feel depressed now, and I'm still not sure why. I am aware there is no reason to be(?), but that doesn't seem to help. School is a huge chore and i no longer enjoy any aspect of it. Every day is arduous and boring. I never thought I'd say it: I miss last year. All I did was bitch while it was happening, but the atmosphere was much more ideal. I honestly just feel like a loser this year. We'll see if this weekend changes that, like last weekend did. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but whatever it is, I hope it comes soon. Because this condition of self isolation cannot last. I hate these stupid, sad-kid cliches, and I know that's not what I am. But...I can't help but feel I am on the outside looking in. Looking into everyone's ideal worlds, even if they are anything but.

Oh well, if history serves me, I will be better soon. I wish that optimistic side of me was actually the side that I believe in. I talk about friends too much. I always thought I didn't care what people think about me, at least as much as others. I couldn't have been more wrong. Paranoia blooms.


Music for the day: Mew- No More Stories / Are Told Today / I'm Sorry / They Washed Away / No More Stories / The World Is Grey / I'm Tired / Let's Wash Away : A really interesting, atmospheric album. A lot of layers. The band has been around for a while, and I hear their discography is equally as good. I should check it out.

Don't stand up

Don't stand up.
No, it's O.K.
Just think to know that I'm here
You're there, but that's alright.

Don't stand up,
I'll come get you
I'll mumble the words I should scream.
I'm here alone, but that's alright

Don't stand up,
It's harder if you try.
I can see you're feeling good,
You're happy, a house fire

Don't stand up,
I don't know that face
An expression of guilt? Blame?
I wouldn't blame you, anyway

Don't stand up,
let lethargy take its toll
Gun down the kids, they won't understand
Sleep around the town tonight.

Don't stand up...
I know you couldn't, if you tried.
Settle into the plague, keep it close
She'll be in town for a while.

Don't stand up, friends:
I'll open my own doors.
I know you're here, I feel it.
But I'm afraid I can't know it just yet.

Don't stand up,
Sometimes I wonder if I'm sane;
Then I grow up and go to bed
Keep a level head, don't tip the pot

Don't stand up,
I know you've grown tired of my complaints
I'll keep this one short:
I'm lost, not hurt, just confused.

Don't stand up,
It's not the same
I know it will be, soon.
4.7 isn't all too bad, really.

"Stand up, I'm not insane
Just tired.
Not insane...just tired
Not insane, just."
STOP

"Well, is that you in front of me? Coming back for even more of exactly the same? You must be a masochist to love a modern leper On his last leg"

Last night was great. Went to the promenade and saw a movie, then walked about. It was a good time. It didn't feel forced or awkward. I am not looking forward to school in 15 hours. I believe I have chorus, meaning a much earlier start. Oh well, I was the one who signed up for it. I still feel a bit down, but certainly better after having a strong weekend. I'm hoping my weekends will be great. I sure know my school days won't be.

I'm currently reading The Plague by Albert Camus. He is one of my favorite authors, and the book is haunting to say the least. I guess I don't have much to say today. Just a slight update.

Until next time

Music for the evening: Frightened Rabbit- The Midnight Organ Fight: One of those albums that I can always return to. Really great heartfelt indie rock. If you haven't heard it, go listen.

phantom influences.

I can't really say I've been too happy since school started. Luckily, tonight was a success, it felt how I pictured fall should feel. Just good weekend times. There were a few bumps, but I think it went well overall. I keep getting this sinking feeling that I am losing all of my friends. I know I'm not... and I wish I could realize that. I don't know what makes me think so negatively all the time. Sometimes I guess I just wonder what people really think of me. But you probably don't want to hear about my unproductive, paranoid ramblings.

Instead of some internal debate over some topic or idea, I suppose tonight I'll just share the review I wrote for the school paper. Whoever reads this, you are lucky. You get a sneak peak. Ha. I feel like so much more could be said for the album, but length and consideration of the audience held me back from some of my true thoughts on the album. Either way, I am happy with this review.


Brand New- Daisy


Long Island, New York hometown favorites, the genre defying band Brand New, have finally released their long anticipated fourth album. Being an avid listener and huge fan of the band, I tend to think everyone is well acquainted with their music. A brief history: The band debuted with Your Favorite Weapon, A pop-punk album in the vein of Taking Back Sunday. However, Deja Entendu, Brand New’s sophomore album, saw the band moving into much more eclectic and interesting terrain. In 2006, the band released The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, an album so musically advanced, dense, and, for lack of a better word, depressing that, to the untrained ear, it would be hard to imagine the same band had released the prior two albums. Each of the band’s albums means a great deal to me (more so Deja and The Devil and God than the debut), so writing an unbiased review would be nearly impossible. Luckily, Brand New’s 4th album, Daisy, once again redefines the band’s sound, making a new perspective on the band completely necessary.


Daisy begins with what sounds like a sample of an old religious song from some forgotten 20th century decade. For about a minute and a half, the hymn goes on. Then, suddenly, the first track, “Vices”, bursts open. All expectations are immediately put to rest as Jesse Lacey (lead vocals, guitar) screams his way through what is easily Brand New’s heaviest song. The result is a track that sounds roughly like a combination of early Fugazi and Glassjaw. Track number two, entitled “Bed”, is a bit underwhelming at first, but it still delivers. After the chaos that is “Vices”, the listener is left with a few minutes to relax with this slower, more recognizable song.


The album maintains a good flow of quiet to loud, about equal parts of each. Songs like “Gasoline” and “In a Jar” fit alongside “Vices” as some of the heaviest material Brand New has written. On the other end of the album’s spectrum, “You Stole” and “Daisy” represent a style closer to what was heard on The Devil and God. I could consider every song on the album a highlight, but if a favorite had to be chosen, it would be “Sink”. Although it is probably Daisy’s most accessible song, (it uses a fairly standard rock riff for the verses) it has one of the most chaotic and intense choruses I’ve heard from the band.


While my praise for this record is admittedly never ending, there was one problem I had with it. Unlike their past two albums, the lyrics for Daisy were primarily written by guitarist Vincent Accardi. This unfortunately seems to mean that the quality of the lyrics are not up to Jesse Lacey’s (the usual lyricist) high standards. However, there are just as many lyrical successes as there are failures. Daisy almost seems to play like an instrumental album with vocals added to compliment the astounding musicianship, so in the end, the lyrics don’t really even play as important a role as they have in the past for the band. Like all of the band’s material, Daisy is a grower. It should take at least five full listens for the average fan to fully process the changes the band has made. As for the music fans not acquainted with Brand New: this is as good an album to start on as any.


Brand New once again totally reinvents themselves, and it does them a great deal of good. A band once writing pop-punk tunes about lying girls, drinking, and heartbreak now have much more in common with 90’s grunge acts such as Nirvana or The Jesus Lizard. Modern music needs bands like Brand New ; it needs bands that consistently change their style, and do it well every time.